Friday, December 29, 2006

Guest shall arrive at 6:50pm.....get the lucky draw ticket and be seated. We (3 of previous post) arrive downstairs since it is just outside the office on the carpark (party being organised.)

...gotta stop

He has an ISSUE with me??

Fun, fun night last night...the company had organized the annual dinner...ehh no dance last night. The weather sucks with intermittent rain, the food was terrible..thank god the company was right. So me, Mr William and Mr Shashi sat at one table which meant for 10 people....typical us...besides can't blame us...there are only 4 people left in my department and with 1 of the surveyor not 3 of us at one huge table.

I would give a detailed run-down of the event. Point to be said out first. Mr Banci needs to deal with some serious issue. I can understand if he hated my guts, my straightforwardness and my practicality but NOT to take our pictures during the dinner...bypassing us when he is just standing at the next table and clicking away...that crosses all boundaries of my tolerance towards his childish behaviour.

How I wish I can flash my finger at him then!...Now that he gets on my nerves...he my 'dear friend' is getting fried by me. I would laugh openly at him now....talked about PARANOID sissy!! Bwahahaha!!

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Having 2nd Thoughts

Is it just me....or it's just me. We actually laugh over the phone on some silly conversation?? Fell kinda bizarre....narrating the whole (well not the whole stuff...a gist) affair from a few days ago.

Ok...I would inform you of my me trying my best not to kill him or drown him..set back for a, telling me his schedule tomorrow? Whatever for? Would I even care if he slip on a banana peel and cracked his skull by the road kerb? Would I even care if he is going into his crazy business ventures yet again? I just replied ok. Wrong move girl...I should have known better. I kept thinking the whole thing till the next day. Wondering..what work schedule. Another business trip? MIL coming to visit? He is finally leaving? He finally decided to dropped dead on me? Ok evil thoughts but I am pissed off. Need to attend anger management class pretty soon before I explode head first.

So the next day...waited patiently, well rather anxiously as at 4pm, he said he would call and would inform me of his work schedule. no I decided to call him instead. I told him that he said he would called and inform me of his work schedule. Oh nothing much...just want to tell me what he is planning to do in the next few days. I why?...He said...why not, is it any wrong to intimate me with such details. Ok..woman is thinking super fast and super crazy thoughts came up. Do I even care? Why he bothers suddenly?...I said..intimate me?...well mind was really going crazy...telling me or intimate me?..that is 2 different things right.

So he asked me to meet him nearby...and I was going why?...nothing easier to intimate with the details of his schedule. Ok that is TOO weird for me. So crazy woman laugh. I know...I laugh at the slightest thing. it may not be funny for others but it easily cracks me up.

I need to lie down.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I Have Lost

I thought things would change...things change all me it meant for the worse. He/She assume it is for the best. When one give up on one's faith/belief and choose not to see the good in it but only the have lost themselves forever.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Tears For Fears

For all the tears that I shed....only God would forgive him for there is no place in my heart to forgive him anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beats for him any longer. I don't hate him but hate myself for believing in him and for being too-trusting.

Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.

Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.

See the first sms was a big treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.

To the lady who gave birth to should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Kill the Worker Post

To start I kill the worker or do I strangle my Dbo for not understanding my frustration.

Gue kalo diberi waktu bisa ku cekik-cekik semua kambing-kambing di kantor. Biar puas rasa hatiku. biar mereka tahu betapanya jelek perbuatan mereka itu. Sikap acuh dan tidak acuh. Membiarkan kemarahan ku memuncak. Kapan, bisa ku bertahan. Kapan, mereka akan bertanya jiwa aku bisa terawat oleh sikap mereka yang sentiasa mengherankan orang lain. Perangai yang tidak pantas disebut manusia.

Aduh, sama sekali buat ku pusing selalu. Apakah ini dinamakan makan gaji orang besar. Jiwa ku rasa tertekan. Ingin memberontak. Ingin bebas. Ingin bersendirian. Ingin ku tinggalkan kompeni dengan keadaan yang huru-hara. Biarin...mereka rasakan betapa sakitnya hati ku ini.

Mahu ajak ngobrol sudah nggak bisa. Sibuk disini, sibuk disitu. Apa yang dikejarnya? Bila akan ku bicara?

English frustration post...sorry everyone who is reading my blog..I am not feeling well. I hate my assitant Siti Anizah Binte Ridwan for leaving me 2nd time. She not only don't have the courtesy to tell me that face to face. Because of her, I felt humiliated. I felt degraded. I felt bad. I felt betrayed. I would never trust Malay people who looks for a job where I am working. Not ever, not one single soul.

Yes I publicise her name her as I don't think she is capable of holding a job down. and the equally useless husband..Muhammad Isa Bin Muhammad Ali. He is addicted to cough syrup. He is a drug-addict. He abuses the cough syrup. He drinks to get high. He drinks that to get away from family problems. he drinks that to run away from resposibilities. As a result of his incapabilities of providing for his family. He pulls his wife down. Instead of fighting against it, she too chooses to sink with him. She chooses to ruin her life. They are both murderers. They have a son name Muhammad Faiz Bin Muhammad Isa. He is 2yrs old this year. Both useless parents not working and who do you think would have to provide for the innocent life. In other words, they are both murderers. They choose to give in to lust....create a life yet refuse to maintain and nourish the life.

That boy is better off in the orphanage. At least, the people there..even though lack parental love....they would give him shelter, food, education and bring him up to be a better person instead of their useless parents.

Before I was discharge from hospital, the nurse had prevented me from bringing my son home. I'm a single mother. To them I am deem incapable of bringing up a life without a husband. 3years later, my son is doing and growing up well...full of warmth and love at home. Next year, he would be starting school. The society choose to judge me coz I am not married. Choose to believe that I am not stable. Choose to believe that I'm incapable. What about the parents that I just mentioned. Why judge me....judge all. My son would never get the benefits what the parents got for their son but they choose to ruin his future.

My Dbo thinks that each time I open my mouth is basically nonsense and trying to bring down other poeple. Yes, that freaking idiot Bangladeshi worker skipped work and I get the blame for it. Is that even fair. I told him to provide with a new worker...he is not capable of doing anything besides nodding his head and said that his hand is tied and PM said there is a limit to one dept. I asked one question...what is the poiint of having a worker who can't perform his duty when the nature of our job is rather delicate. Anytime the diaphragm wall can collapse...who do I blame when that happens = for their incapability for making a simple decision.

I'm at the stage whereby I have develop the nodding manner. Any thing that I said is like talking to wall. My opinions are not matter. So don't blame me when the Kallang factories roof collapse onto someone's head or the diaphragm wall caves in taking with them hundreds of people living in the HDB flats surrounding the excavation area.

I rather be overly concerned now than regret later.

The new Myammar geotechnical engineer Mr Sumo is puzzled at Dbo decision. Choosing to put the things aside instead of tackling the problem. As I said that is normal in Kambing company. I think it's about time I move on to a place where people requires my service.

Donkey Hatred Post

I have always wished well for people no matter how bad I feel after being treated badly. I guess this time, it crosses all my stages of patience. I wished that the donkey would die a painful, long, ever-lasting, agonising, mind-tormenting, one by one fingernails extraction by pliers (have to thank the Japanese to come up with the torturing method while invading Singapore)..back to torture mode...tongue clamping and torched with hot iron that have been heated up to terrible degrees over fiery red hot coals.

Seriously MIL you have given birth to an evil person who cheats on other people feelings...toy them around as though they are like some piece of bad-tasting meat on the plate. Couldn't it be possible that you should have feed poison to your darling, spoilt, uncivilized, non-human compassionate skills. Or drop him in the mouth of hungry crocodile since you are incapable of murturing a small and innocent babies to have human skills & feelings. To know how to treat a person with respect and honour.

I think all the marriage vow about to cherish, honour in sickness..etc..etc till death do us apart is all a big joke to him. I could see myself holding a scalpel and slitting his throat while he was asleep. Watching the sudden gush of blood flowing down his throat. His eyes open in shocked and gasped at me. He tries to clamped shut the gap...trying to block the flowing of the crimson blood out of his throat. In his eyes were one question "WHY" Why he asked with his shocked eyes. As his eyes began to fade his colours...I watched without blinking my eyes...basking in his death.

As I slowly lay his hands by bothsides, I slit his wrists. Deep and almost dangling off his hand. Just to make sure.Making sure he does not breath again. Making sure he would not wakes up again to hurt me. Making sure that there would not be a 2nd donkey like him...who preys on people feelings, emotions. All donkeys shall die like him.

Life would be beautiful if he listens to me and not go against practical people like me. Instead he chooses to live in his quick and easy scheme to get rich. Not only pulling me down with him but landed me in alot of problems. I should have been brave enough to walk away from him. Be strong enough to live alone. Be contented enough with a simple life. Isn't that is what I had wanted when I was 9years old.

There's alot of things that forces me to grow up. Alot of things that I believe I deserve something better. Alot of things when I feel terrible in my heart. I could cry out loud but it's the pain in the heart that I couldn't cry out. I couldn't write down in words what I was going thru. What I was feeling. How I wish a hand was there to help me then. How I I wish.

I guess it's all too late now as I'm too twisted to be straighten. Even if it get untwist...the kinks would be a constant reminder of my failure.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Hatred post for Colleagues, Ex-collagues + Enemy Camp

I must have seriously woken up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Considering that there is only 1 side of my bed while the other side is against the wall. At 4am...I am freezing cold....feels as though I've been sleeping in the freezer itself. It's still dark and the fan is set to the lowest speed so why am I feeling cold. When I said means my teeth were chattering badly.

I switch off the fan and went back to sleep. I know that I would wake up feeling crappy later due to interrupted sleep.

So DBo said that L-T people is complaining...Oh come on...for crying out loud...those L-T people would find any things possible to complain...even to the point of their mother for delivering an ugly baby such as themselves. F**K up L-T pple.. Damn freaking lazy men without balls. Too f**king lazy to find the data for themselves. Too f**king lazy to work even. I've been wondering for the past 3yrs eversince I join the Kambing company...why does our client have to be LT people who employ damn f**king lazy MCP.

I hate my colleague...should I say surveyor....another idiotic, brain-dead, stupid, banana eating monkey. I am really pissed off today. To day I should call ONE Damn Pissed Off Day. It's bad enough that the idiot couldn't remember when to send their instruments for calibration as per 6months requirement. Can you imagine not knowing when you've been using the bloody expensive instrument day in and day out. The reminder sticker is sticked on the instrument itself. They must be so stupid to even be known as surveyor. Do you think the bribe the teachers? Pay someone to take their survey exmas?. I think the higher you study...the stupider you become and your common sense is down to major ZERO. I am so surrounded by idiotic baboons today.

Thanks to me....the only sensible, worked-up, short-tempered female with brain in the dept. I send the intruments + arrange for loan set so that their work would not have to stop/disrupt. Their instruments is back from calibration and I had informed to return the loan set and picked up their instrument...NO...this idiotic banana eating monkey not only did not picked up my calls, he did not return my sms.

I feel slightly better now...just now my head feels as though it's going to explode anytime soon.

Another thing....the donkey is back and the donkey did not even bother to return my calls/sms or even inform me that he is back. Seriously I hope the plane crash. I have a very bad feeling that the $800 would not be return. I had to marry a loser right. I had to put up with all his threats. I don't want him to come to my office and create problems for myself or even caused problem for the house processing application that I has to give in to his freaking insane demand.

Maybe when the house deal is thru and everything is black and white in my name. I wish he die a gruesome death. Board the plane and plane caught fire.....he is the only one to be burnt alive while the other passengers look on and clapped their hands.

Or he was out walking one day, when trying to avoid a cyclist while crossing the road, a lorry hit him on his right thigh. He was immediately thrown to the opposite side of the road, along came a shit-carrying lorry and dumped all the waste on him. Along came a motorcycle and beheaded his neck.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

I stopped and read all my older posts...Confirm twisted or basket case. Now that I'm fully relaxed, back does not hurt as much as they did....1hr ago. No missy can't go off as I have a stack on of 3cm thick report to print for tomorrow's meeting.

My head does not pound anymore now that I've upload all my crazy, pent-up frustrations and anger on the blog. One more to add before I go offline. The surveyor in my office said that the 'twerp' is a magnet for disaster. Very true. :)

Oh the post about the donkey death...I would like to add...'twerp' in that plane. Both to go please.
I post queer, weird thoughts to de-stress or un-wind myself. It's the only thing that I can do since I am cooped up in office all day long like chicken at chicken farm..Eat, drink, lay eggs, sleep, eat drink...and so on.

I bought a ruler last night. Yes a straight edge as the kambings kompeni don't have one. There is one pencil sharpening gadget that is attached to a cupboard. Cupboard beside the main traffic walkway and shared by the whole kambing kompeni. Except for one single, dwarf, non-married, old Pinoy man who is not interested in getting bloke (do I think he is gay?) sharpens his pencils. Well any guys that is shorter than me is considered short. I even make fun of my DBoss. Make fun of his pronounciation, his height, his short golf club, his weird sense of shirts colour, his bad smoking habits, his forgetfulness.

In one word...I poke fun at is good that he can actually laugh at himself...or else I'll be in one hot, boiling, scalding, life-threatening soup. I need the money to pay for my existence plus a few others. I don't need the is fine for me....kwang kwang kwang.

Sucker for Romantic Songs

At 18yrs old...I like listening to Depeche mode song titled "Somebody" Nice and meaningful lyrics. Very practical too.

Somebody - Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it

At 25 years old...I watch the movie...The Wedding Singer and can't keep this song especially out of my head. Very sweet just like the show.

Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler

[Billy Idol (Speaking):] Good afternoon everyone.
We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving
up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringing you some in-flight
entertainment. One of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
inspired by one of our coach passengers, and since we let our first-class
passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

[Robbie Hart (Singing):]
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Now at 31yrs old....I simply love the 2nd song....very practical and romantic but how true can it get? But the best song ever is this one for me.

Livin' On The Edge - Aerosmith

There's somethin' wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes

We're seein' things in a different way
And God knows it ain't his
It shore ain't no surprise

Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge

There's somethin' wrong with the world today
The light bulb's gettin dim
There's meltdown in the sky

If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin
Then mister you're a better man than I

Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself from fallin'
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself at all
Livin' on the edge
You can't stop yourself from fallin'
Livin' on the edge

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication - aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin'
Even if it wasn't would you still come crawlin'
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication - aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin'
Even if it was would you still come crawlin'
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again

Something right with the world today
And everybody knows it's wrong
But we can tell 'em no or we could let it go
But I'd would rather be a hanging on

Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself at all
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself from fallin'

Listening to certain songs actually tells me what I am feeling at the moment and how to overcome what I am feeling...whether it's sad, happy (now who wants to overcome happiness right? But then if it's not true happiness.), angry, remorse, guilty, shame, light, heavy...etc

Was I Right - Wild Imagination

It's 18:39 on SG time....I sits here at my deck typing away. Did I make the right decision. Did I betray myself. Did I let him get to me. Did I let him abuse my rights, thoughts, emotions and feelings. I could only hope for the best & goodness in everyone no matter what a failure he had been. I hope I have make a right decision. There is no turning back. Now that he have left the country and heading for the China Sea.

I wish to the people upstairs to let the plane crash and only he would die...well maybe from drowning so that he would not be able to come back and abuse me. Maybe the plane would caught fire, burn his face...leave the teeth for identification sake. Burn his hand....1st, 2nd, 3rd degree that he be really dead. Ok wait let him suffocated first from the fumes + smoke...then the fire can roast him while he is still unconscious??

While the whole body is being engulf in fire....the plane plunges into the huge body of water...doused the fires....a rescue ship happen to be on site...with rescue helicopters...and he plunges deepes into the sea....after 2 days, his body finally surfaced...bloated, grossed, decaying, decomposed...smells really, really, utterly, terribly, horribly smelly.

Now that would be letting him off too easily. Coz the donkey still have hutang to be paid. Hutang nyawa. Now that is so drama.

I'm sitting in my terrible uncomfortable chair that does not move since it has no wheels. No wheels means it won't move and I don't slip while sitting or sleeping. Back ache from my right shoulder running down to the right wing and ending at my right butt. Severe head pounding activities on my right brain too. I wish I can lie down and let the bulldozer just roll me.

I am simply tired...getting too old now....31years old and old? Considering that I've been working since young....let me check 9yrs old...22yrs is such a long time.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Twerp + Increase = Old Cows

So GST is going to raise to 7% next year. Reason being to support the old people. I have nothing against the old people...but seriously if they don't even bother to help my mother...I don't see why I should help their mothers. The transport fare were increase and reason given = to support the old people. Seriously...this support the old people thingy is seriously getting on my freaking nerves. My mum does not get Hell I am going to support their old people. But do I have a choice??? NO!!...Cause the "garmen" said I have to listen obediently like a dog with a dry bone and keep quiet. Where is the wall when I need one. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

My pay still stays the same (next year likely to be out of job due to completion of construction project)....transport fare increase, goods tax increase, electric & water bills increase, groceries increase. Employer CPF contribution not increase.

The twerp was in SG few days ago..twerp commented on us being resourceful and yada..yada against terrorist. Honestly speaking, twerp being here is like attracting terrorists to the peaceful sunny island. First time in my life, I can actually feel that my heart being squeezed so tight as though something evil and bad going to happen. That twerp is born jinx (same goes to twerp senior)+ bad luck to anyone when twerp open his mouth. Look at the disaster that twerp created in ME.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Headache Galore's over...all forms have been submitted to the lady officer-in-charge of my house application. Now only to wait from the seller site...15th December 2006. I hope they get the documents much earlier and everything could be processed as soon as possible.

I've been stressed out since last Friday and today to get everything done on my part. On Wednesday, the present house is going for upgrading. It means house would be full of dust, no electric and water for the whole day on the 1st day. I hope my son could bear with it for awhile.

Can't talk much now as so many work to finish. What are the chances that tomorrow if my soon to be ex-assistant showed up and I personally kick her with my safety boot. Very likely but I can't. ONO.

Friday, November 17, 2006

24Hrs Notice

I guess being tolerant of others has ended me in such a deep hole. My assistant sms to say (16/11/06) that she would submit her 24hrs resignation on Saturday. She has been missing from work since last Friday.

The events unfold: 10/11/06 - Son is sick and phlegm in the lungs. (Husband refuse to quit smoking)11/11/06 - FIL came and create problems13/11/06 - Can't come to work as need to inquire for house dept why can't rent a house14/11/06 - Can't come as going to apply a house to rent15/11/06 - Would come in today but later. At 4pm, I laughed myself silly...she did not turned up.16/11/06 - Sms to say that she is giving 24hrs notice.

No offence but there won't be a next time if I'm employing the Malay people. She is the 3rd Malay person who works for me. 1st had run off on the 2nd day as can't take the stress of copy and paste documents using Excel.2nd had an identity crisis (involve in stupid sucker (SS) group) and she spends more time smoking than working. Even the LTA complains about the wrong data transmitted.3rd, she had to marry a Malay guy who is fussy, choosy, thinks wife are cows for breeding and working. She can't face the reality that her husband is a heap of crap.

The house transaction did not goes well this afternoon but no problems on my part. The seller is delaying the whole procedure by getting a crappy lawyer to handle their divorce case and confirming their assets with the house dept. The much needed letters from lawyer would be ready on 15th Dec 2006. So processing would be on hold. They asked me...if that is all right with me. Sorry...again...if that is all right with me?? Like 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'it is all right with I look like I have a choice but to wait. I've paid more than $600 dollars for the processing fees. Duh!! Silly cows....I gotta wait....

So processing would start on 15th Dec. 2nd appointment would be 5 weeks after that. I am looking at next year house moving activities end of Jan 2007 or early Feb 2007. The lady officer had told me earlier (before the letter delay thingy) that I would be paying for the house on 1st Jan 2007. I told her that I would not be paying for something that is not going to be mine till end of Jan.

I am stressed out.

Carol - Thank you dearie but you don't have to send me anything.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

14th November 2006

I have a super duper yummy night last night. I went to re-connect and had a good laugh at myself. I realised how childish yet innocent my questions can be at times. Grow up woman!!...U are like 31years old...(take into account of last night event) + 1 day and few hours. The curiosity nature of mine that I had kept since young. I was able to laugh at myself. I was able to laugh without barriers, without thinking, thinking a care, without a concern. I laugh at myself and embraced it wholeheartedly.

Youtube is down for I cannot really show what my favourite songs are but from the list...when Youtube is can check out. I am born in 1975. I grew up listening to Boney M, Malaysian rock groups. My all time favourite, favourite, favourite band from Singapore..."Lovehunters" The name sounded tacky but they are not. They sings song about generation that change....blues for the people....of course love ballads....what would happen to my life if I don't have love ballads? Meaningless...mundane...dull...boring.

Ku Ukir Nama Mu (I Carve Name You = direct translation) & Ku Tetap Menanti (I Will Be Waiting)....gerek songs people. I have a major crush on the singer and still do...(just I wish he had kept his long hair). Saw them once in Kallang...I could have let my craziness taken over me and then what. pose for pictures when I do not have any camera with me. Ask for autographs...and then what would I do with it...sell on EBay...I rather keep the band music’s, delicious voice in my head, admire them the way they should have their privacy and time off.

I am in cloud nine today despite the anxiety that is building up for tomorrow's house appointment. I seriously hope & wish that everything would goes well and the officer would not ask weird questions. I want to bloody move from my present house before I drives myself crazy with the crazy neighbours that stopped by the house as though the house is a mini-mart.

5 days Missing In Action

5 days missing in action was meant for my assistant. She did not turn up since last Friday. I feel like strangling her at times. Slap her silly on both cheeks. Knock on her head with my knuckles thus bring some sense into her ridiculous and stupid life that she is going thru now.

Therefore, a woman marries the man that she thinks...would love, cherish and treasure her. He became lazy.....refuse to take a simple job just to provide ends meet.....too demeaning...too humiliating...too embarrassing...shameful of a lowly job. Working as a security guard is not the right job for's meant for older/elderly people who have nothing better to do on their hands and while their time away by sitting down and recording incoming and outgoing traffic.

So they had a child...due to the dead mother-in-law....they began feeding the poor baby with sweets, treats and unhealthy foodstuff. So he develop sweet tooth and not able to handle his sugar surges and huge appetite.

So husband job hops as though life is easy....son drinks expensive milk....mother wash her hands off everything....if anything goes wrong to her baby.."Well, I did not do it" how easy she would claim. Being father-in-law and knows that his son is down-right bloody freaking Hell lazy like a fat pig after her heavy dinner....lets the son marry a runway girl. Son never changes after marriage and runaway girl regret it big time. She was running away from her stressed out family. Father was never at home and loan sharks keep harassing them.

Her mum does not know how to maintain the 5 children but she produces them like kittens. Stress, low-self esteem, being molested once by her boyfriend father/grandfather...she seeks solace in marrying. choosing to end her single life in order to be free and live on her own.

So father-in-law chased out of the house as son was drinking cough syrup like plain water. He gets high, he can't go to work, he smokes all the time, hardly gives any money to the wife, can't take of his little son, played computer games till in the wee hours of the morning, complains about the constant back pain, complains of being tired and sleepy all the time, not able to help the wife in shouldering the house chores. Changing a baby pooed diapers is why doesn't he think about it before he screwed his wife and got her pregnant. Wife are not maid....they don't wash your dirty clothes, get laid, have babies, breed babies, grow babies and get laid all over again.

Husband has money in the savings but do not wish to buy a house and rather opt to rent out. Let me check this correctly...wife works at $1200 rental....cheapest around $300 + childcare (as her mum have not decided to take care of the 2yrs old grandchild since the daughter is facing problems with a USELESS FREAKING ASSHOLE WIFE SCREWER husband!!) + transportation to work + money for baby supplies + money for their food consumption. Buying a house means....paying that money and eventually the house is yours or even let out the extra room to relatives for extra income.

She is resigning today and I have yet to see her here tendering the resignation letter. I have alot of patience but I do not think the new company can accept her work attitude. Showing up as when she likes due to family problems.

She is too weak to complain her problems to her Chinese dad. Which I am sure that old man would wallop his son-in-law for ill-treating the wife by not doing his responsibilities as a father or the head of the family. She defends him even he is in the wrong. She lies for him. She covers for him. Put in good word to everyone. She trusted the husband when he out-rightly lies straight to her face when everyone in the family already knew that he is a born LIAR.

Need I say more...I am beyond angry but then what can I do...she choose to hang on to a broken and impossible dream. I hope he change for the better and she would have a peaceful life. I hope by the end of another 1yr...He does not she lives him and asks for child support.

The Singapore govt does not treat child support lightly. You do not go to jail! I think he deserves to be in the jail.

More to be continued after this............

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

He went Offline

He had enough he said...that's what he claims. All the trust and hope that he placed on me where dash. I had crushed it!!

It does not last till the supposedly 3years grace but each day was like a living Hell for me. Living Hell when all the promises were never fulfilled. He left. He ran with his tail behind his back with loans/debts to clear.

I should listen but I don't and now I'm paying back for all the help that I rendered. I'm having an headache...would spill out the guts when I'm feeling better.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Pride Before His Fall?

This post was written on 16th Sep 2006.
I am baffled, amused, sad and kept thinking of my conversation with my colleague this morning. This is a long rant of my dept version of teamwork.

One of the B worker decided that he wants to go home after being paid peanuts working here (you mean after 4yrs, it finally dawned upon him that the company is cheating his hard-earned, sweat and blood money!!) So manpower is down...and we had to re-adjust and as usual that would means me...have to adjust it.

Let me understand this correctly...I'm a CAD Operator....supposed to be doing drawings...I get tangled up in the earth monitoring crap, forever planning the schedules (wonder when DBoss plans to even follow them), explains to BCA about the whole monitoring collection of data.

Continued 19th Sep 2006

I try to prevent myself from typing this out but it's making sick to the point that I can't bring myself to go to work today. Yup! That's right...I skipped work today. I did not call in sick. I am too depressed by the turn of events. The B worker finally decided to accept the company decision of deducting his one month salary in order for him to go back home.

Did I mentioned that he plans to come back and then work in other company that pays him so much more....almost 3 times his present salary. Well I hope he gets what he wants and be happy now.

Time frame was given to renewed the workers work permit. The B guy in-charge of all the workers...he had made them signed an agrement saying that 1 month of their salary would be dedcuted if they decided to go home before their work permit expired or not giving one month of notice before leaving for home. How true it is I'm not sure but the B-guy himself have spoken to me about the agreement.

The B worker that was going home had even told me that the B-guy had merely said to signed this for your work permit renewal and had not explained clearly to them. told my boss about it. He said he cannot do anything about it as it's the Admin way of handling things.

((I had called over the phone (as it was not convenient to chat at his table as his table was an open cubicle. Everyone is there and you are not allowed to talk freely as the voice will carry to the next person and can hear each word. Word per word. How frustrating) telling him about B-worker claim and immediately before I can further explained. He keep on insisting that there is nothing he can do about it. He can't do this, he can't do that. I have a boss who is so scared to do anything right for humankind. He is afraid being riled by the PM. But if I tell him to do something right, he can't follow that as well. I simply just don't understand what can he actually do.))

A fellow coleague had left the company but to the stupidity of the purchaser and admin manager...they had let him scot-free. He did not complete the full year of work but had taken the whole year of annual leave. So when a person leaves a company, his leaves is being pro-rated and had to be adjusted accordingly to the next salary that he would be getting them. He had tendered in 1 month in advance isn't that the norm for all the company in Singapore. But no....they had waited till the last day to do any work. The resignation letter was KIV by the admin assistant. The surveyor got his salary, extra 10days of work that he did not work for. The annual leave that he was supposed to pay back.

Another fellow colleague of mine resigned and for 2 months the company held back his salary...reason being they need to hold for his income-tax clearance. That is super-duper bull-shit. Hold back 2 months just to clear his taxes when all the people knows that ...we pay income-tax of this year. besides he is a Singapore PR....If he decided to leave Singapore for good....the ICA can always re-imburse income tax from his CPF Account.

Yesterday, I saw that the Kambings get to get their salary in advance. Doraemon was earning S$7500 while Bigfoot S$9000. So all these kucing kurap earn more than they deserve...all they ever do is too smoking all the time. I think if I bow a bit lower to the think I can get a higher salary?? I'm afraid I can't do that, I can't lower myself...or should I say debase myself. I have pride in myself. Pride that would not make me falls into the category of ass-licking bastards.

Seething with anger as I wrote now. My mind are in swirl and I had to let all my pent-up anger and frustration come true this or else I would just go mad.

Continuing to the bit whereby...I was talking about myself being a CAD Operator. The guy that I was talking to is a Surveyor....who nearly got chopped off for his laziness, incapability of learning new ropes and incapability of understandinig simple instructions and following it properly.

He placed himself so high up there...thinking that he knew about computers, Excel, AutoCAD and how the surveying instruments work. Due to the split and due to the fact that getting new surveyors means they have to come from Philippines. Processing for work permit is uppredictable and thank his lucky stars that he is an SPR. He proudly talks about his country. So if he is damn proud of his country and the development that they had achieved...why is it he is not there..working..building..propering himself there...rather than slogging his life here....sending the child to an outsider school...saying that by doing this the child can escape the mandatory requirement of serving for the Nation.

Anyway...he told me of a story when he was working with another company. Saying that a senior colleague had told him to pegged ONE bloddy point with a rebar. He had said to the senior colleague that...HAVE YOU GONE MAD!! YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT KIND OF JOB WHEN YOU HAVE SO MANY B WORKERS AND COULD TELL THEM TO DO IT INSTEAD OF HIM. When Japanese Soldier was told to peg on site...he had do it willingly and with the heavy concrete hammer and his worker...they both had done the work and not complained about it. He merely said that it's just part of a work. To think that Fizzy Drink would take it that it means degrading him to the point ofmerely being a labourer after all the high studies that he had done. So funny!!

I told him that Mr Smart our Survey Manager had found nothing wrong in driving the workers to work...while does he feel such a way. In fact, Mr Smart qualification was even higher than the surveyor and had felt nothing was wrong with it.

He even said that Dboss must have sense the pride and rather humiliating job meant for the scratchy Myammar Geo-Engineer and had not let him take such a lowly job of taking and checking the crack meters on the civilians houses/factories. Too funy for me.

Come to think of it....I rather work for the British and the they don't find it too demeaning for them if they simply take pictures. Whereas that narrow-minded, idiotic, stubborn little dark brownish prick wuold never make it in life. He thinks of making it rich and always telling me about his friends doing well and supporting the needy. He could not even bring himself from you think God would grant him riches and not fully make used of it??

Feeling better more anger left in me now. Time to go. as so damn cold at the library. Going to ladies and read more books.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Listening to Dil Hai Tumhaara to ease the tight feeling that I am experiencing in my chest. One way to de-stress. Not going out early tomorrow morning but I need to speak with someone.

Jump at the Slightest

Today is 16th Aug and I've decided that rather than cramping/bottling up my pent up feelings, desires, frustrations and not being able to focus properly on work, on hobby, on son and on myself. I think it is time to unscrew the bottle cap and let all flow out.

As we speak, I typed...I am going insane every minute. They always said the truth is always the best. A little lie is good than the truth. Therefore, who is right then? To tell or not to tell. ..sigh...long sigh.

I stopped playing pacman years ago as the thought or the idea on being chase by the colourful smiley eating blob scares the wit out if me. I would say...faster, faster, no, no that side...and cursed the keyboard for not going any faster or slows down when you pc slows down. Damn the colourful blobs, feels as though they are triggering a heart attack for me.

I enjoy the chased and enjoy getting back at them by eating them. Now it only last for 30secs. Anymore than that,...I would definitely get a heart attack. I am waiting for the long dreaded call from so many people. You cannot run away from the reality and you cannot turn back the hands of time.

Given a choice, I turn it back to the time when I was nine years old. I probably would not be so timid in class. I be more out-spoken. I will be much more confidence of myself. I will be wiser. I will learn how to drive a pickup when I was nine years old. In addition, drives a car when I am still in secondary school. I read more books. I will discover fantasy book at an early stage. I will teach myself two foreign languages - French and Japanese. Very practical and useful. Forget the fact that I would be working in a Korean company years later. For, if I can turn back the way in Hell I will be working in a Korean company.

And I study Science; I have always wanted to be working in Lab...after the flop in all Science studies...I settled for Buildings. regret on me studying Buildings...maybe becomes a Civil Engineer or Quantity Surveyor. Very practical job and always an opening for one anyway. Do not have to hope that there would be an ad in the newspaper looking for draftspersons. Job has gone so bad...that they requested for full deluxe package for a bag of peanuts. I am seriously in wrong trade here.

I can see the bubbles escaping and my head is getting lighter and lighter. Tomorrow is another day that I dread. I have stopped smiling. I have stop thinking for tomorrow. Oh, the four monsters are coming on Friday and I have to celebrate Adam's 3rd birthday...1 month in advance. Coz his cousins are sitting for exams in September. Better now than never. I thought the saying should go...better late than never. So planning a nice party for five wild kids. We asked Adam if he would like to celebrate his birthday. He said just place on the table and he blows out the candle. The little monster is so innocent. My heart wrenched each time I look into his future in Singapore. He is starting school next year and I have yet to register for it. Money has been so tight. Too tight to the point it drives me crazy every minute.

Today is Wednesday. How do you stay positive each day? How do you smile each day and push back all your troubles and worries to the side. How do you walked with a spring in your feet each morning when you practically hate coming to work each morning. Work has become a chore to me. Out of seven, we are left with four persons in the office now. Morale feels low.

Friday, August 11, 2006


It was few days before my 30th birthday. People had said the number 13 is a bad luck. Those who are superstitious should avoid black cat, Friday the 13. Previously the Singapore MRT line does not have the number 13 on their northbound train line. Very odd I must say.

Besides, you cannot just skip to 14 after 12. Moreover, without 13 you cannot have 8 + 5 =. I wonder who planted the idea of it being bad and who the first one to follow it blindly is.

It has been two long years of waiting, looking to catch that glimpse, that familiar face, that familiar smell. 2 years of wondering, searching, what if that keeps popping into my mind. What if I had done this, what if I say, what if I was refused, what if MA was not acknowledged, what if this and what if that. 2 years of silently praying, wishing for a miracle to happen. Few days before my birthday, the long awaited prayers and for a miracle to came true.

I was shaking like a leaf. It is like seeing a past. It is like seeing a ghost. Words can described what I had felt then and even words failed me now. Wonder if this is what other person must have felt when the one that they wanted to see all their waits came true. First time in my life I stammer, first time in my life I fumbled with words, first time in my mind was totally blank. All I wanted to do was to pinch myself and feel that it is not a dream. I am not dreaming. It is real. My heart was pounding...I literally could hear the loud pounds in my cheat. Feel as though my lung was going to burst.

Finally, I could smile again. All those months = 2yrs of waiting have bore the fruits.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Your true color is Brown!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.


It all started in 2002, it was during the 1st day of Chinese New Year and all or most of the shops in Singapore are closed. The Chinese own about 99.7% of the shops and since it is the Chinese lot that is celebrating their most of the shops are close except for restaurants.

Morning at Woodlands MRT control station, while waiting and looking at the throng of people that passes thru the MRT mini gates, I wonder alone. Never in my life that I would have gone out during Chinese New Year. I would normally spend the 2 days of public holiday...sleeping, watching cartoons, eating, lazing around and being a major bum for two solid days. No shops is open means no shopping; besides I find it rather silly to go out when I should be resting. Most of the time I would be working and complaining that I do not have enough time to rest and sleep longer.

Today here I am at Woodlands MRT control station waiting for someone. I had invited my colleague to visit the Zoo. I love the Zoo...the monkeys, snakes, smelly horse, cute hippo and the live shows. It is rather silly or should I say expensive but I do not have much of a choice. I want to go out and do something today.

I do not want to laze around and watched telly all day long. I looked at my watch...I am always fact too early for a lot of things. I called and he was on his way here. Then I saw him. He was coming down the escalator with his traditional purple clothes. What had attracted me were his good looks. I believe that I should only go out with guys who looks good that way I can talk/speak and look at him rather than stare at something else, pretending that I am looking at him, and talk to him. I am not being fake but being very realistic. I believe that if man can demand that woman should look pretty, delicious, sexy for them in order for them to strike a conversation...likewise I should demand that for myself about man.

He walks walking towards me...and my eyes grew larger each time he came nearer. Next, he stood in front of me and asked about the phone booth. I pointed into the direction and he walks away. Ahhhhh...he is certainly tall and handsome. I wish I had asked him something or anything...oh goes on right.

I looked at my watch and knew that my colleague is late. Wonder why man cannot be on time. :( And the next thing I know, the guy was standing besides me smiling.

Monday, July 24, 2006


I was on my way to work this morning, when I saw him. The boy that I used to spend time talking on the phone from schoolwork to anything under the stars. I have known him for 16yrs. Someone that easy to talked to and listen to his chatters on the phone. All the talks on the phone led to only one meeting. He was awkward and I wonder why. I have always like him and even told him that I really like him a lot.

Thoughts of those silly days fills my head...wonder what makes me say such thing to him and wonder what makes us close by phone but far when we meet up. I had like him then and I still like him now...but interesting to know that I am not in love with him.

Saturday, July 22, 2006


In a split second, everything would change before your eyesight. Someone whom you have held in high esteem and regards...loves with all your soul. With every breathe she took was only in his name...the world came crushing down.

In addition, of the entire place for it to happen was in a crowded place. Weary students, teenagers who have been partying the night away, those who had stayed and slogged the extra hours were all there. Grace was in shocked and soon moves into a defensive mode. Grace was wondering what had actually can Grace see the person that she was going to marry with another woman. Standing by the brown tiled parapet wall, I leaned against it and could hear the conversation. When the person walked away, Grace followed and asking...Who is that woman and why are you with her? The person simply replies, this is what I have been telling you and now you may ask her what the relationship is.

Grace held on to the person’s hand and asked why she went out with him, as he is her husband. The woman smiles, I could have sworn, I could hear her laughing silently when she said that. The woman asked...what prove does she have saying this is her husband...when she has the marriage certificate saying that she and the man is legally bonded in law as husband and wife. Grace let his hand slips thru. Her eyes grew even larger when she finally let the reality of the whole thing sinks in.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Year in Review

1981 In Review

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

2005 In Review

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool were crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the cricket Ashes tournament
4. The Pope died

Note: In future, if Prince Charles decides to remarry, will someone please warn the Pope. Thank You.

Art Gallery

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings."

"I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist.

"Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?"

Timex N Rolex

Two New Dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"Hellooooo," answered the blonde, "They're watch dogs!"

How to EARN the Points?

In the world of romance, one single rule applies to the men: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
In the rain (+
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy (-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colours of your favourite team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans
and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned __ _ex-pression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV(+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Now what chance do you have???

Thursday Rants

Only 64%...Mildly stressed I must say but why do I feel as though I am too stressed out...maybe like 84% instead of what it's been shown. Anyway moving on to why I am feeling stressed out...answer is simple...MONEY.

I need money to pay for the house agent's fees. Example...if the house is...back track..not a house. I mean an apartment. In SG, you don't get a house (with garage, backyard, garden space and whatsoever) get a corridor which of course should be accessible for other folks to pass by. Having potted plants is not encourageable but tolerable. Plants/leaves/flowes should not obstruct flow of traffic. No bicycle should be parked outside your door as the chances are you would not see them tomorrow. New house you don't get the 2 steps before entering your hole. I am really going off line here. Example if a house cost S$220,000 (all currency use is SG Dollars), agent fee is 1% of it plus 5% GST (goods & service tax) out of that 1%. plus the hole report of your intended purchase...$178, processing fee + chooping the hole = roughly around S$3000. I don't have that kind of money lying around.

To make matters even worse, we have decided to change lawyer as the present is BLOODY, FREAKING LAZY BITCH!!! who delays meetings, does not answer her call. Can you imagin you telling your client that client should suits to her timing. And if she were to set up meeting, on the last hour she would cancelled them with interesting excuses. My sis had enough and decided to change the lawyer...and she refuses to returned back our money.

I need to rest my work beckons me. :(

How Stressed Are You?

Your Stress Level is: 64%

You are prone to stress, and you're probably even pretty stressed right now.
Life's problems seem to pile up on you, and this often makes you feel depressed and burned out.
Learn to take time to relax and enjoy life, even if things are stressful. It's the only wa you'll get through the bad times.