Friday, December 08, 2006

Tears For Fears

For all the tears that I shed....only God would forgive him for there is no place in my heart to forgive him anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beats for him any longer. I don't hate him but hate myself for believing in him and for being too-trusting.

Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.

Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.

See the first sms was a big treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.

To the lady who gave birth to should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Kill the Worker Post

To start I kill the worker or do I strangle my Dbo for not understanding my frustration.

Gue kalo diberi waktu bisa ku cekik-cekik semua kambing-kambing di kantor. Biar puas rasa hatiku. biar mereka tahu betapanya jelek perbuatan mereka itu. Sikap acuh dan tidak acuh. Membiarkan kemarahan ku memuncak. Kapan, bisa ku bertahan. Kapan, mereka akan bertanya jiwa aku bisa terawat oleh sikap mereka yang sentiasa mengherankan orang lain. Perangai yang tidak pantas disebut manusia.

Aduh, sama sekali buat ku pusing selalu. Apakah ini dinamakan makan gaji orang besar. Jiwa ku rasa tertekan. Ingin memberontak. Ingin bebas. Ingin bersendirian. Ingin ku tinggalkan kompeni dengan keadaan yang huru-hara. Biarin...mereka rasakan betapa sakitnya hati ku ini.

Mahu ajak ngobrol sudah nggak bisa. Sibuk disini, sibuk disitu. Apa yang dikejarnya? Bila akan ku bicara?

English frustration post...sorry everyone who is reading my blog..I am not feeling well. I hate my assitant Siti Anizah Binte Ridwan for leaving me 2nd time. She not only don't have the courtesy to tell me that face to face. Because of her, I felt humiliated. I felt degraded. I felt bad. I felt betrayed. I would never trust Malay people who looks for a job where I am working. Not ever, not one single soul.

Yes I publicise her name her as I don't think she is capable of holding a job down. and the equally useless husband..Muhammad Isa Bin Muhammad Ali. He is addicted to cough syrup. He is a drug-addict. He abuses the cough syrup. He drinks to get high. He drinks that to get away from family problems. he drinks that to run away from resposibilities. As a result of his incapabilities of providing for his family. He pulls his wife down. Instead of fighting against it, she too chooses to sink with him. She chooses to ruin her life. They are both murderers. They have a son name Muhammad Faiz Bin Muhammad Isa. He is 2yrs old this year. Both useless parents not working and who do you think would have to provide for the innocent life. In other words, they are both murderers. They choose to give in to lust....create a life yet refuse to maintain and nourish the life.

That boy is better off in the orphanage. At least, the people there..even though lack parental love....they would give him shelter, food, education and bring him up to be a better person instead of their useless parents.

Before I was discharge from hospital, the nurse had prevented me from bringing my son home. I'm a single mother. To them I am deem incapable of bringing up a life without a husband. 3years later, my son is doing and growing up well...full of warmth and love at home. Next year, he would be starting school. The society choose to judge me coz I am not married. Choose to believe that I am not stable. Choose to believe that I'm incapable. What about the parents that I just mentioned. Why judge me....judge all. My son would never get the benefits what the parents got for their son but they choose to ruin his future.

My Dbo thinks that each time I open my mouth is basically nonsense and trying to bring down other poeple. Yes, that freaking idiot Bangladeshi worker skipped work and I get the blame for it. Is that even fair. I told him to provide with a new worker...he is not capable of doing anything besides nodding his head and said that his hand is tied and PM said there is a limit to one dept. I asked one question...what is the poiint of having a worker who can't perform his duty when the nature of our job is rather delicate. Anytime the diaphragm wall can collapse...who do I blame when that happens = for their incapability for making a simple decision.

I'm at the stage whereby I have develop the nodding manner. Any thing that I said is like talking to wall. My opinions are not matter. So don't blame me when the Kallang factories roof collapse onto someone's head or the diaphragm wall caves in taking with them hundreds of people living in the HDB flats surrounding the excavation area.

I rather be overly concerned now than regret later.

The new Myammar geotechnical engineer Mr Sumo is puzzled at Dbo decision. Choosing to put the things aside instead of tackling the problem. As I said that is normal in Kambing company. I think it's about time I move on to a place where people requires my service.

Donkey Hatred Post

I have always wished well for people no matter how bad I feel after being treated badly. I guess this time, it crosses all my stages of patience. I wished that the donkey would die a painful, long, ever-lasting, agonising, mind-tormenting, one by one fingernails extraction by pliers (have to thank the Japanese to come up with the torturing method while invading Singapore)..back to torture mode...tongue clamping and torched with hot iron that have been heated up to terrible degrees over fiery red hot coals.

Seriously MIL you have given birth to an evil person who cheats on other people feelings...toy them around as though they are like some piece of bad-tasting meat on the plate. Couldn't it be possible that you should have feed poison to your darling, spoilt, uncivilized, non-human compassionate skills. Or drop him in the mouth of hungry crocodile since you are incapable of murturing a small and innocent babies to have human skills & feelings. To know how to treat a person with respect and honour.

I think all the marriage vow about to cherish, honour in sickness..etc..etc till death do us apart is all a big joke to him. I could see myself holding a scalpel and slitting his throat while he was asleep. Watching the sudden gush of blood flowing down his throat. His eyes open in shocked and gasped at me. He tries to clamped shut the gap...trying to block the flowing of the crimson blood out of his throat. In his eyes were one question "WHY" Why he asked with his shocked eyes. As his eyes began to fade his colours...I watched without blinking my eyes...basking in his death.

As I slowly lay his hands by bothsides, I slit his wrists. Deep and almost dangling off his hand. Just to make sure.Making sure he does not breath again. Making sure he would not wakes up again to hurt me. Making sure that there would not be a 2nd donkey like him...who preys on people feelings, emotions. All donkeys shall die like him.

Life would be beautiful if he listens to me and not go against practical people like me. Instead he chooses to live in his quick and easy scheme to get rich. Not only pulling me down with him but landed me in alot of problems. I should have been brave enough to walk away from him. Be strong enough to live alone. Be contented enough with a simple life. Isn't that is what I had wanted when I was 9years old.

There's alot of things that forces me to grow up. Alot of things that I believe I deserve something better. Alot of things when I feel terrible in my heart. I could cry out loud but it's the pain in the heart that I couldn't cry out. I couldn't write down in words what I was going thru. What I was feeling. How I wish a hand was there to help me then. How I I wish.

I guess it's all too late now as I'm too twisted to be straighten. Even if it get untwist...the kinks would be a constant reminder of my failure.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Hatred post for Colleagues, Ex-collagues + Enemy Camp

I must have seriously woken up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Considering that there is only 1 side of my bed while the other side is against the wall. At 4am...I am freezing cold....feels as though I've been sleeping in the freezer itself. It's still dark and the fan is set to the lowest speed so why am I feeling cold. When I said means my teeth were chattering badly.

I switch off the fan and went back to sleep. I know that I would wake up feeling crappy later due to interrupted sleep.

So DBo said that L-T people is complaining...Oh come on...for crying out loud...those L-T people would find any things possible to complain...even to the point of their mother for delivering an ugly baby such as themselves. F**K up L-T pple.. Damn freaking lazy men without balls. Too f**king lazy to find the data for themselves. Too f**king lazy to work even. I've been wondering for the past 3yrs eversince I join the Kambing company...why does our client have to be LT people who employ damn f**king lazy MCP.

I hate my colleague...should I say surveyor....another idiotic, brain-dead, stupid, banana eating monkey. I am really pissed off today. To day I should call ONE Damn Pissed Off Day. It's bad enough that the idiot couldn't remember when to send their instruments for calibration as per 6months requirement. Can you imagine not knowing when you've been using the bloody expensive instrument day in and day out. The reminder sticker is sticked on the instrument itself. They must be so stupid to even be known as surveyor. Do you think the bribe the teachers? Pay someone to take their survey exmas?. I think the higher you study...the stupider you become and your common sense is down to major ZERO. I am so surrounded by idiotic baboons today.

Thanks to me....the only sensible, worked-up, short-tempered female with brain in the dept. I send the intruments + arrange for loan set so that their work would not have to stop/disrupt. Their instruments is back from calibration and I had informed to return the loan set and picked up their instrument...NO...this idiotic banana eating monkey not only did not picked up my calls, he did not return my sms.

I feel slightly better now...just now my head feels as though it's going to explode anytime soon.

Another thing....the donkey is back and the donkey did not even bother to return my calls/sms or even inform me that he is back. Seriously I hope the plane crash. I have a very bad feeling that the $800 would not be return. I had to marry a loser right. I had to put up with all his threats. I don't want him to come to my office and create problems for myself or even caused problem for the house processing application that I has to give in to his freaking insane demand.

Maybe when the house deal is thru and everything is black and white in my name. I wish he die a gruesome death. Board the plane and plane caught fire.....he is the only one to be burnt alive while the other passengers look on and clapped their hands.

Or he was out walking one day, when trying to avoid a cyclist while crossing the road, a lorry hit him on his right thigh. He was immediately thrown to the opposite side of the road, along came a shit-carrying lorry and dumped all the waste on him. Along came a motorcycle and beheaded his neck.