I'm still in my stage of numb....trying to recover from the news that I've just received last Thursday. The donkey is living with someone and now having a 2-3 months old baby.
I couldn't cry as I think it is a waste of my tears. I confront him with it on Friday evening (via the phone) and the interesting part is that he did not deny it but just said that he was not there during that time.
I thought about it till I get migraine on Saturday. I am giving myself unnecessary stress.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Is it really true?
I went out with Giraffe last night...we had our talked about us. He asked me where I want to be with him. I said to give me time to think about it.
Giraffe was busy scrolling down his mobile number and I came upon alot of person names that says Donkey. He knew what is/was going on with me and Donkey. He showed me the number one by one and asked do I know any of them. Should I say shocked....I did not give out Donkey's number to him...how is it possible he has them??
Giraffe described Donkey to me in detail...the best part of all..Donkey has a son now with a chinese lady. The son is around 2-3 months. I am shocked yet relieved. Say what...your husband is having an affair with some girl outside...probably living with her and to the extend of having a child too...and you are relieved??
See that is so weird.
Well I'm not. I am happy. I don't have bad thoughts. I don't hate someone for deceiving me. i really can't hate. I only wished that his mum would have strangled him when he was a baby...lol...now that is so funny.
Giraffe was busy scrolling down his mobile number and I came upon alot of person names that says Donkey. He knew what is/was going on with me and Donkey. He showed me the number one by one and asked do I know any of them. Should I say shocked....I did not give out Donkey's number to him...how is it possible he has them??
Giraffe described Donkey to me in detail...the best part of all..Donkey has a son now with a chinese lady. The son is around 2-3 months. I am shocked yet relieved. Say what...your husband is having an affair with some girl outside...probably living with her and to the extend of having a child too...and you are relieved??
See that is so weird.
Well I'm not. I am happy. I don't have bad thoughts. I don't hate someone for deceiving me. i really can't hate. I only wished that his mum would have strangled him when he was a baby...lol...now that is so funny.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Call it quits 2nd time
It's been 3 days since I last called Giraffe. Yeah I did the stupidest thing and reply his call (2 days after 9th Feb). Well at least I am well-prepared this time. I think I am ok without Giraffe around to disrupt my thinking and myself.
2nd time, I felt odd and awkward going out with him as my curious alert is set to red alert. So nothing he says seeped into me. Enter the right ear, exit the left ear.
2nd time, I felt odd and awkward going out with him as my curious alert is set to red alert. So nothing he says seeped into me. Enter the right ear, exit the left ear.
3 Days of Hell
I am alive but not without major brain damage. Sg should never have long holidays/breaks more than 1 day. I am contented with my weekly Sunday breaks...the longest time that I have to spend with my mum.
The old bat went on lecturing spree on Sunday evening, pause on Monday evening continue on Tuesday morning. I was contemplating pushing her off from the kitchen windows but thinking seriously how to remove the obvious evidence. I've been watching far too many CSIs. I need a break. A real break away from my mother.
I did however manage to squeeze in some time to stitch a SanMan Design. Thought of cheating on my Wednesday SAL as today is WEDNESDAY and I have tonnes and tonnes of work piled up from Saturday. I am so lucky!
Bye people.....trying not to kill mum tonight.
The old bat went on lecturing spree on Sunday evening, pause on Monday evening continue on Tuesday morning. I was contemplating pushing her off from the kitchen windows but thinking seriously how to remove the obvious evidence. I've been watching far too many CSIs. I need a break. A real break away from my mother.
I did however manage to squeeze in some time to stitch a SanMan Design. Thought of cheating on my Wednesday SAL as today is WEDNESDAY and I have tonnes and tonnes of work piled up from Saturday. I am so lucky!
Bye people.....trying not to kill mum tonight.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Dump The Giraffe
I call it quits last Wednesday night around 11:30pm on the giraffe. Can't call him as my voice would betray me...instead I sms. Saying that he should refrain himself from calling me.
It is hard but I had to let it go as the donkey's have his people everywhere. 2 days before the big dump, he called to enquire and I got scared. Giraffe says that I am not wise in allowing him taking advantage of me but I don't have a choice.
Besides Giraffe acted really weirdly and angry when I asked to see his identification. Can't blame me for asking.
Anyway...it does feels weird not to have someone to call and be called. :-(
So in order to stop all the thinking, I'm making myself more busy than usual.
It is hard but I had to let it go as the donkey's have his people everywhere. 2 days before the big dump, he called to enquire and I got scared. Giraffe says that I am not wise in allowing him taking advantage of me but I don't have a choice.
Besides Giraffe acted really weirdly and angry when I asked to see his identification. Can't blame me for asking.
Anyway...it does feels weird not to have someone to call and be called. :-(
So in order to stop all the thinking, I'm making myself more busy than usual.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Giddy Feeling
We talked for more than 1hr.....I'm feeling giddy with laughter and funny words that he likes to used. Honestly, I've never laughed so much and my heart really feels happy. Am I crazy? Too crazy in fact.
All I know is that I am happy. For now. Really happy.
Crazy about Giraffe :-)
All I know is that I am happy. For now. Really happy.
Crazy about Giraffe :-)
Monday, January 29, 2007
Spring in your feet
This morning, I woke up with big smile on my face. Such lovely dreams that slipped away the moment I wakes up and trying to recall them. But no matter what, it was the most sweetest dreams as I slept soundly and waking up happy in my heart.
My feet were light and could almost feel the spring in all the steps to work. Smiling and feeling happy. I try not to think the important issues yet. Main thing is to wake up feeling happy on a Monday morning.
Tell you more about the new giraffe that feels warms and loving when being touch. The safest hugs and the lightest kiss on my cheeks. 270107
My feet were light and could almost feel the spring in all the steps to work. Smiling and feeling happy. I try not to think the important issues yet. Main thing is to wake up feeling happy on a Monday morning.
Tell you more about the new giraffe that feels warms and loving when being touch. The safest hugs and the lightest kiss on my cheeks. 270107
Thursday, January 18, 2007
When a heart breaks?
It hurts, you wish you can cry out but you can't as the pain would not go away. It would not erase the fact that it is broken and could not be mended the same way. It does not feel like Ally McBeal having her heart shot by arrows. It feels as though it is being torn apart. Squeezed and suffocated. You can't breathe and everything is not the same. Nothing is the same. Nothing feels right. Everything that you do feels wrong and meaningless.
It does not help with listening to old songs and reminiscing the old memories. It does not help as everywhere you turn, it hurts. It does not help when you gave advise to people about letting it go if it is never meant to be yours. It hurts and for any quiet moments, your tears just flow down your cheeks. There is no off button. For any little thing, you can cry. When you try to mask with laughter, it hurts even more. And while you type how you feel, tears flow freely down your cheeks.
It does not help knowing that the front of your tee is wet with wiping your tears away since morning. You are like a walking zombie. You don't feel the things and people around you but yet you have to interact with it. You can't let go of yourself. You can't ignore the fact that life still goes on. You can't ignore the fact that someone else is waiting for you.
Imagine losing the same person for the 2nd time. Maybe, it is for the best. Maybe, it was never meant to be. Maybe, that is how the story of my life goes. To feel pain and to be alive. To stay alive. To survive. To acknowledge that I am a coward. I only follow what my parents wanted me to do. I only listen. I don't have a rebel cells in me. I accept in quiet and watch my life fade away before my eyes.
Rebel cells lives in mini love that beats up the people who chain me to the chair. They don't allowed me to feel. To experience. To break. To live for myself. To live with someone I truly love. To be with someone that I can care. To feel the warm of another person.
The tap flows non-stop. I need to replace the faucet soon. It need to be like before. Cold! Totally devoid of feelings! Just a puppet.
It does not help with listening to old songs and reminiscing the old memories. It does not help as everywhere you turn, it hurts. It does not help when you gave advise to people about letting it go if it is never meant to be yours. It hurts and for any quiet moments, your tears just flow down your cheeks. There is no off button. For any little thing, you can cry. When you try to mask with laughter, it hurts even more. And while you type how you feel, tears flow freely down your cheeks.
It does not help knowing that the front of your tee is wet with wiping your tears away since morning. You are like a walking zombie. You don't feel the things and people around you but yet you have to interact with it. You can't let go of yourself. You can't ignore the fact that life still goes on. You can't ignore the fact that someone else is waiting for you.
Imagine losing the same person for the 2nd time. Maybe, it is for the best. Maybe, it was never meant to be. Maybe, that is how the story of my life goes. To feel pain and to be alive. To stay alive. To survive. To acknowledge that I am a coward. I only follow what my parents wanted me to do. I only listen. I don't have a rebel cells in me. I accept in quiet and watch my life fade away before my eyes.
Rebel cells lives in mini love that beats up the people who chain me to the chair. They don't allowed me to feel. To experience. To break. To live for myself. To live with someone I truly love. To be with someone that I can care. To feel the warm of another person.
The tap flows non-stop. I need to replace the faucet soon. It need to be like before. Cold! Totally devoid of feelings! Just a puppet.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Stress Stress Stress
About work, about house, about school, about loans, about getting new job, about leaving work, about weight, about food.....just about everything in the whole wide world.
My brain and my hand refuse to co-operate and work together. My heart says another thing but the mind due to the new practical software that I've just installed in me...refuse to coordinate. The whole body is in turmoil.
I am going to stop surfing net and start posting all my craziness. I need to let everything out before I explode.
Alam (the ugly looking B worker who bleached his cheeks) And I thought MJ is crazy to bleached himself. The reason why he bleached as he says that the cheeks is dark-coloured. For an Asian with darker skin tone...he says it is ugly....he just proofs the white commercials to be RIGHT!!...Loser!! So anyway, the clown face told me that my DBoss is leaving is Korea (partially true) and Mr Maeng is going to replaced him (WHAT THE BEEP BEEP!!) That sicko crazy wacko is going to replace my 'cute' Dboss. I can accept that? I refuse to accept that.
He is not a nice person. Shrewd, cunning and manipulative. So I am seriously waiting for my BONUS and see how it goes...life after Dboss and plus to get my son citizenship...then off I go. This time, I am going to work in more permanent sector....like "GARMEN" sector.
Too stress out....need to buy beds to furnish the house or else where do I place my new mattress....Arrrgghhh. Beds aside....I don't have a driver that works at my beck and call....lol...just kidding!
I am juggling in life. Do I want to proceed with Donkey or Tiger? No idea and been weighing on my mind.
And I am struggling with tatting....I wonder who invented or pioneered it...for the thread MUST flip. I am so close to throwing the shuttles down the refuse chute.
Time to go and start working again. I hate to update those Settlement GDB files.....so STOOPID.....
My brain and my hand refuse to co-operate and work together. My heart says another thing but the mind due to the new practical software that I've just installed in me...refuse to coordinate. The whole body is in turmoil.
I am going to stop surfing net and start posting all my craziness. I need to let everything out before I explode.
Alam (the ugly looking B worker who bleached his cheeks) And I thought MJ is crazy to bleached himself. The reason why he bleached as he says that the cheeks is dark-coloured. For an Asian with darker skin tone...he says it is ugly....he just proofs the white commercials to be RIGHT!!...Loser!! So anyway, the clown face told me that my DBoss is leaving is Korea (partially true) and Mr Maeng is going to replaced him (WHAT THE BEEP BEEP!!) That sicko crazy wacko is going to replace my 'cute' Dboss. I can accept that? I refuse to accept that.
He is not a nice person. Shrewd, cunning and manipulative. So I am seriously waiting for my BONUS and see how it goes...life after Dboss and plus to get my son citizenship...then off I go. This time, I am going to work in more permanent sector....like "GARMEN" sector.
Too stress out....need to buy beds to furnish the house or else where do I place my new mattress....Arrrgghhh. Beds aside....I don't have a driver that works at my beck and call....lol...just kidding!
I am juggling in life. Do I want to proceed with Donkey or Tiger? No idea and been weighing on my mind.
And I am struggling with tatting....I wonder who invented or pioneered it...for the thread MUST flip. I am so close to throwing the shuttles down the refuse chute.
Time to go and start working again. I hate to update those Settlement GDB files.....so STOOPID.....
Friday, January 12, 2007
Happen today at MacPherson - lunch time
I was walking towards the bus stop with Bubbly-Girl during lunch time...me going to post office and Bubbly-Girl is off to chocolate land. At the bus stop there is one M lady wearing the traditional clothes and semi-covering her head using the traditional head-dress.
She approaches me and asked if I'm M or I. I said that I am an I (well technically speaking, I am an I as dad is pure North I and mum is a mixture of M and I...so I'm an I) She said that she had gone to the mosque and was asking for help. She said that her mum had passed away. (Going thru my mind....so her mum died and why did she go to mosque? The place where she is staying have their own people who takes care of the dead....back to reality) She had asked for $10 to see her mum (in my mind = how can you bury the dead with just $10?) I said they have their reason...must be the office policy. (what else do I say??)
She said that the people there is not friendly and don't want to help her. (here I'm thanking myself that I did not say I'm M) She said that if she asked from people (at this moment a huge cement mixer dash across us follow by a bus....the noise is so deafening that I can hear what she was saying) Lucky enough her bus is here and she board it.
Interesting experience....so your mum died (she looks 50yrs old) must be very old mum that passes away. She looked very calm standing at the bus stop before she approaches me. She does not look sad, or crying or really traumatise by the news. She said the people in the mosque refuse to help her with $10 to see her mum. I am sorry but I don't buy into that kind of story anymore.
I have had many people approaching me asking for money with different kind of stories that you stopped believing into them.
Imagine one day at the library itself in Sembawang and very far away from the MRT or bus station, an old M man approached me at 8:30pm. Saying that, he had brought his 2 kids out (which by the way, the 2 kids were running around in the library) and had no money to go home. I turned him down nicely as I did not carry any cash on me then. Then he can asked me how do I travel then. I said using the farecard (stored value card). He just walked off.
2 days later, at the SAM machine outside of Woodlands MRT station, the very same guy approached me asking for money. I said that the 1st time, you asked me and I could believe you....2nd time is not true. Went on further to tell him that if I saw him again the 3rd time asking for money, I would call the police. He quickly walks away.
See in SG, there are no beggars and begging for money is not allowed. The government or other bodies is providing for the lesser people. If you have a problem, no work, no money to send children to school, no food...all is being provided if you just asked....and work. You don't go around asking money from people.
She approaches me and asked if I'm M or I. I said that I am an I (well technically speaking, I am an I as dad is pure North I and mum is a mixture of M and I...so I'm an I) She said that she had gone to the mosque and was asking for help. She said that her mum had passed away. (Going thru my mind....so her mum died and why did she go to mosque? The place where she is staying have their own people who takes care of the dead....back to reality) She had asked for $10 to see her mum (in my mind = how can you bury the dead with just $10?) I said they have their reason...must be the office policy. (what else do I say??)
She said that the people there is not friendly and don't want to help her. (here I'm thanking myself that I did not say I'm M) She said that if she asked from people (at this moment a huge cement mixer dash across us follow by a bus....the noise is so deafening that I can hear what she was saying) Lucky enough her bus is here and she board it.
Interesting experience....so your mum died (she looks 50yrs old) must be very old mum that passes away. She looked very calm standing at the bus stop before she approaches me. She does not look sad, or crying or really traumatise by the news. She said the people in the mosque refuse to help her with $10 to see her mum. I am sorry but I don't buy into that kind of story anymore.
I have had many people approaching me asking for money with different kind of stories that you stopped believing into them.
Imagine one day at the library itself in Sembawang and very far away from the MRT or bus station, an old M man approached me at 8:30pm. Saying that, he had brought his 2 kids out (which by the way, the 2 kids were running around in the library) and had no money to go home. I turned him down nicely as I did not carry any cash on me then. Then he can asked me how do I travel then. I said using the farecard (stored value card). He just walked off.
2 days later, at the SAM machine outside of Woodlands MRT station, the very same guy approached me asking for money. I said that the 1st time, you asked me and I could believe you....2nd time is not true. Went on further to tell him that if I saw him again the 3rd time asking for money, I would call the police. He quickly walks away.
See in SG, there are no beggars and begging for money is not allowed. The government or other bodies is providing for the lesser people. If you have a problem, no work, no money to send children to school, no food...all is being provided if you just asked....and work. You don't go around asking money from people.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Really Stressed Out
I'm really stressed out today as my Dbo just told me a HUGE / FAT / CHUNK of secret that almost all of the people had guessed but not yet confirmed. So, Dbo said that our dept would ends in July 2007. Of course, that is BAD news for me as I've just bought a house, my son is starting school and I need the money to maintain the household.
Should I start looking for a job now? But I can't leave my work here unfinished, as no matter how much I hated working with some of the staffs & snobbish workers here, I still have work responsibilities. Let me see how things go....and if it gets from worse to terribly worse....I guess I have to start looking for a new job soon.
Can't blog now as still too stressed out over house matters tomorrow. :-( Not a happy person this week.
Should I start looking for a job now? But I can't leave my work here unfinished, as no matter how much I hated working with some of the staffs & snobbish workers here, I still have work responsibilities. Let me see how things go....and if it gets from worse to terribly worse....I guess I have to start looking for a new job soon.
Can't blog now as still too stressed out over house matters tomorrow. :-( Not a happy person this week.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Move on Really Fast
I was going thru my list of bloggers...down my x-stitching site and decided to pay a visit on a fellow. It struck me badly...I'm actually wondering what makes him take such a quick decision. His dear, bubbly wife passed away from unknown reason (not disclosed) in Feb 2006 and now he is getting hitched with another lady...wearing the ring in Dec 2006!!
Either I've been watching too many American murder movies/flicks/dramas, CSIs, Matlock, Murder She Wrote...etc or I think it is just plain rude. How can a person moves on so fast. Doesn't the memory of the wife means anything to him at all?
I've been reading the blog, seems as though, he never got married and was a bachelor all along. Maybe he thinks that it is better to get hitched again since the other girl is waiting for so long.
I have to really stopped reading all these murder mystery books. Can I say that he kills the wife?? Reality is so sad at times. It really bugs me....Can I say that I should be happy that he has found someone else to fill in the empty void eversince the wife left him? I can't lie to my heart about that.
Either I've been watching too many American murder movies/flicks/dramas, CSIs, Matlock, Murder She Wrote...etc or I think it is just plain rude. How can a person moves on so fast. Doesn't the memory of the wife means anything to him at all?
I've been reading the blog, seems as though, he never got married and was a bachelor all along. Maybe he thinks that it is better to get hitched again since the other girl is waiting for so long.
I have to really stopped reading all these murder mystery books. Can I say that he kills the wife?? Reality is so sad at times. It really bugs me....Can I say that I should be happy that he has found someone else to fill in the empty void eversince the wife left him? I can't lie to my heart about that.
Friday, December 29, 2006
He has an ISSUE with me??
Fun, fun night last night...the company had organized the annual dinner...ehh no dance last night. The weather sucks with intermittent rain, the food was terrible..thank god the company was right. So me, Mr William and Mr Shashi sat at one table which meant for 10 people....typical us...besides can't blame us...there are only 4 people left in my department and with 1 of the surveyor not attending...so 3 of us at one huge table.
I would give a detailed run-down of the event. Point to be said out first. Mr Banci needs to deal with some serious issue. I can understand if he hated my guts, my straightforwardness and my practicality but NOT to take our pictures during the dinner...bypassing us when he is just standing at the next table and clicking away...that crosses all boundaries of my tolerance towards his childish behaviour.
How I wish I can flash my finger at him then!...Now that he gets on my nerves...he my 'dear friend' is getting fried by me. I would laugh openly at him now....talked about PARANOID sissy!! Bwahahaha!!
I would give a detailed run-down of the event. Point to be said out first. Mr Banci needs to deal with some serious issue. I can understand if he hated my guts, my straightforwardness and my practicality but NOT to take our pictures during the dinner...bypassing us when he is just standing at the next table and clicking away...that crosses all boundaries of my tolerance towards his childish behaviour.
How I wish I can flash my finger at him then!...Now that he gets on my nerves...he my 'dear friend' is getting fried by me. I would laugh openly at him now....talked about PARANOID sissy!! Bwahahaha!!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Having 2nd Thoughts
Is it just me....or it's just me. We actually laugh over the phone on some silly conversation?? Fell kinda bizarre....narrating the whole (well not the whole stuff...a gist) affair from a few days ago.
Ok...I would inform you of my schedule....here me trying my best not to kill him or drown him..set back for a while...eh, telling me his schedule tomorrow? Whatever for? Would I even care if he slip on a banana peel and cracked his skull by the road kerb? Would I even care if he is going into his crazy business ventures yet again? I just replied ok. Wrong move girl...I should have known better. I kept thinking the whole thing till the next day. Wondering..what work schedule. Another business trip? MIL coming to visit? He is finally leaving? He finally decided to dropped dead on me? Ok evil thoughts but I am pissed off. Need to attend anger management class pretty soon before I explode head first.
So the next day...waited patiently, well rather anxiously as at 4pm, he said he would call and would inform me of his work schedule. 4:05pm....eh no call...so I decided to call him instead. I told him that he said he would called and inform me of his work schedule. Oh nothing much...just want to tell me what he is planning to do in the next few days. I asked...eh why?...He said...why not, is it any wrong to intimate me with such details. Ok..woman is thinking super fast and super crazy thoughts came up. Do I even care? Why he bothers suddenly?...I said..intimate me?...well mind was really going crazy...telling me or intimate me?..that is 2 different things right.
So he asked me to meet him nearby...and I was going why?...nothing easier to intimate with the details of his schedule. Ok that is TOO weird for me. So crazy woman laugh. I know...I laugh at the slightest thing. it may not be funny for others but it easily cracks me up.
I need to lie down.
Ok...I would inform you of my schedule....here me trying my best not to kill him or drown him..set back for a while...eh, telling me his schedule tomorrow? Whatever for? Would I even care if he slip on a banana peel and cracked his skull by the road kerb? Would I even care if he is going into his crazy business ventures yet again? I just replied ok. Wrong move girl...I should have known better. I kept thinking the whole thing till the next day. Wondering..what work schedule. Another business trip? MIL coming to visit? He is finally leaving? He finally decided to dropped dead on me? Ok evil thoughts but I am pissed off. Need to attend anger management class pretty soon before I explode head first.
So the next day...waited patiently, well rather anxiously as at 4pm, he said he would call and would inform me of his work schedule. 4:05pm....eh no call...so I decided to call him instead. I told him that he said he would called and inform me of his work schedule. Oh nothing much...just want to tell me what he is planning to do in the next few days. I asked...eh why?...He said...why not, is it any wrong to intimate me with such details. Ok..woman is thinking super fast and super crazy thoughts came up. Do I even care? Why he bothers suddenly?...I said..intimate me?...well mind was really going crazy...telling me or intimate me?..that is 2 different things right.
So he asked me to meet him nearby...and I was going why?...nothing easier to intimate with the details of his schedule. Ok that is TOO weird for me. So crazy woman laugh. I know...I laugh at the slightest thing. it may not be funny for others but it easily cracks me up.
I need to lie down.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I Have Lost
I thought things would change...things change all right...to me it meant for the worse. He/She assume it is for the best. When one give up on one's faith/belief and choose not to see the good in it but only the bad....one have lost themselves forever.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Tears For Fears
For all the tears that I shed....only God would forgive him for there is no place in my heart to forgive him anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beats for him any longer. I don't hate him but hate myself for believing in him and for being too-trusting.
Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.
Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.
See the first sms was a big joke....me treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.
To the lady who gave birth to him....you should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my MIL...how I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.
Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.
Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.
See the first sms was a big joke....me treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.
To the lady who gave birth to him....you should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my MIL...how I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Kill the Worker Post
To start off....do I kill the worker or do I strangle my Dbo for not understanding my frustration.
Gue kalo diberi waktu bisa ku cekik-cekik semua kambing-kambing di kantor. Biar puas rasa hatiku. biar mereka tahu betapanya jelek perbuatan mereka itu. Sikap acuh dan tidak acuh. Membiarkan kemarahan ku memuncak. Kapan, bisa ku bertahan. Kapan, mereka akan bertanya jiwa aku bisa terawat oleh sikap mereka yang sentiasa mengherankan orang lain. Perangai yang tidak pantas disebut manusia.
Aduh, sama sekali buat ku pusing selalu. Apakah ini dinamakan makan gaji orang besar. Jiwa ku rasa tertekan. Ingin memberontak. Ingin bebas. Ingin bersendirian. Ingin ku tinggalkan kompeni dengan keadaan yang huru-hara. Biarin...mereka rasakan betapa sakitnya hati ku ini.
Mahu ajak ngobrol sudah nggak bisa. Sibuk disini, sibuk disitu. Apa yang dikejarnya? Bila akan ku bicara?
English frustration post...sorry everyone who is reading my blog..I am not feeling well. I hate my assitant Siti Anizah Binte Ridwan for leaving me 2nd time. She not only don't have the courtesy to tell me that face to face. Because of her, I felt humiliated. I felt degraded. I felt bad. I felt betrayed. I would never trust Malay people who looks for a job where I am working. Not ever, not one single soul.
Yes I publicise her name her as I don't think she is capable of holding a job down. and the equally useless husband..Muhammad Isa Bin Muhammad Ali. He is addicted to cough syrup. He is a drug-addict. He abuses the cough syrup. He drinks to get high. He drinks that to get away from family problems. he drinks that to run away from resposibilities. As a result of his incapabilities of providing for his family. He pulls his wife down. Instead of fighting against it, she too chooses to sink with him. She chooses to ruin her life. They are both murderers. They have a son name Muhammad Faiz Bin Muhammad Isa. He is 2yrs old this year. Both useless parents not working and who do you think would have to provide for the innocent life. In other words, they are both murderers. They choose to give in to lust....create a life yet refuse to maintain and nourish the life.
That boy is better off in the orphanage. At least, the people there..even though lack parental love....they would give him shelter, food, education and bring him up to be a better person instead of their useless parents.
Before I was discharge from hospital, the nurse had prevented me from bringing my son home. I'm a single mother. To them I am deem incapable of bringing up a life without a husband. 3years later, my son is doing and growing up well...full of warmth and love at home. Next year, he would be starting school. The society choose to judge me coz I am not married. Choose to believe that I am not stable. Choose to believe that I'm incapable. What about the parents that I just mentioned. Why judge me....judge all. My son would never get the benefits what the parents got for their son but they choose to ruin his future.
My Dbo thinks that each time I open my mouth is basically nonsense and trying to bring down other poeple. Yes, that freaking idiot Bangladeshi worker skipped work and I get the blame for it. Is that even fair. I told him to provide with a new worker...he is not capable of doing anything besides nodding his head and said that his hand is tied and PM said there is a limit to one dept. I asked one question...what is the poiint of having a worker who can't perform his duty when the nature of our job is rather delicate. Anytime the diaphragm wall can collapse...who do I blame when that happens = for their incapability for making a simple decision.
I'm at the stage whereby I have develop the nodding manner. Any thing that I said is like talking to wall. My opinions are not matter. So don't blame me when the Kallang factories roof collapse onto someone's head or the diaphragm wall caves in taking with them hundreds of people living in the HDB flats surrounding the excavation area.
I rather be overly concerned now than regret later.
The new Myammar geotechnical engineer Mr Sumo is puzzled at Dbo decision. Choosing to put the things aside instead of tackling the problem. As I said that is normal in Kambing company. I think it's about time I move on to a place where people requires my service.
Gue kalo diberi waktu bisa ku cekik-cekik semua kambing-kambing di kantor. Biar puas rasa hatiku. biar mereka tahu betapanya jelek perbuatan mereka itu. Sikap acuh dan tidak acuh. Membiarkan kemarahan ku memuncak. Kapan, bisa ku bertahan. Kapan, mereka akan bertanya jiwa aku bisa terawat oleh sikap mereka yang sentiasa mengherankan orang lain. Perangai yang tidak pantas disebut manusia.
Aduh, sama sekali buat ku pusing selalu. Apakah ini dinamakan makan gaji orang besar. Jiwa ku rasa tertekan. Ingin memberontak. Ingin bebas. Ingin bersendirian. Ingin ku tinggalkan kompeni dengan keadaan yang huru-hara. Biarin...mereka rasakan betapa sakitnya hati ku ini.
Mahu ajak ngobrol sudah nggak bisa. Sibuk disini, sibuk disitu. Apa yang dikejarnya? Bila akan ku bicara?
English frustration post...sorry everyone who is reading my blog..I am not feeling well. I hate my assitant Siti Anizah Binte Ridwan for leaving me 2nd time. She not only don't have the courtesy to tell me that face to face. Because of her, I felt humiliated. I felt degraded. I felt bad. I felt betrayed. I would never trust Malay people who looks for a job where I am working. Not ever, not one single soul.
Yes I publicise her name her as I don't think she is capable of holding a job down. and the equally useless husband..Muhammad Isa Bin Muhammad Ali. He is addicted to cough syrup. He is a drug-addict. He abuses the cough syrup. He drinks to get high. He drinks that to get away from family problems. he drinks that to run away from resposibilities. As a result of his incapabilities of providing for his family. He pulls his wife down. Instead of fighting against it, she too chooses to sink with him. She chooses to ruin her life. They are both murderers. They have a son name Muhammad Faiz Bin Muhammad Isa. He is 2yrs old this year. Both useless parents not working and who do you think would have to provide for the innocent life. In other words, they are both murderers. They choose to give in to lust....create a life yet refuse to maintain and nourish the life.
That boy is better off in the orphanage. At least, the people there..even though lack parental love....they would give him shelter, food, education and bring him up to be a better person instead of their useless parents.
Before I was discharge from hospital, the nurse had prevented me from bringing my son home. I'm a single mother. To them I am deem incapable of bringing up a life without a husband. 3years later, my son is doing and growing up well...full of warmth and love at home. Next year, he would be starting school. The society choose to judge me coz I am not married. Choose to believe that I am not stable. Choose to believe that I'm incapable. What about the parents that I just mentioned. Why judge me....judge all. My son would never get the benefits what the parents got for their son but they choose to ruin his future.
My Dbo thinks that each time I open my mouth is basically nonsense and trying to bring down other poeple. Yes, that freaking idiot Bangladeshi worker skipped work and I get the blame for it. Is that even fair. I told him to provide with a new worker...he is not capable of doing anything besides nodding his head and said that his hand is tied and PM said there is a limit to one dept. I asked one question...what is the poiint of having a worker who can't perform his duty when the nature of our job is rather delicate. Anytime the diaphragm wall can collapse...who do I blame when that happens = for their incapability for making a simple decision.
I'm at the stage whereby I have develop the nodding manner. Any thing that I said is like talking to wall. My opinions are not matter. So don't blame me when the Kallang factories roof collapse onto someone's head or the diaphragm wall caves in taking with them hundreds of people living in the HDB flats surrounding the excavation area.
I rather be overly concerned now than regret later.
The new Myammar geotechnical engineer Mr Sumo is puzzled at Dbo decision. Choosing to put the things aside instead of tackling the problem. As I said that is normal in Kambing company. I think it's about time I move on to a place where people requires my service.
Donkey Hatred Post
I have always wished well for people no matter how bad I feel after being treated badly. I guess this time, it crosses all my stages of patience. I wished that the donkey would die a painful, long, ever-lasting, agonising, mind-tormenting, one by one fingernails extraction by pliers (have to thank the Japanese to come up with the torturing method while invading Singapore)..back to torture mode...tongue clamping and torched with hot iron that have been heated up to terrible degrees over fiery red hot coals.
Seriously MIL you have given birth to an evil person who cheats on other people feelings...toy them around as though they are like some piece of bad-tasting meat on the plate. Couldn't it be possible that you should have feed poison to your darling, spoilt, uncivilized, non-human compassionate skills. Or drop him in the mouth of hungry crocodile since you are incapable of murturing a small and innocent babies to have human skills & feelings. To know how to treat a person with respect and honour.
I think all the marriage vow about to cherish, honour in sickness..etc..etc till death do us apart is all a big joke to him. I could see myself holding a scalpel and slitting his throat while he was asleep. Watching the sudden gush of blood flowing down his throat. His eyes open in shocked and gasped at me. He tries to clamped shut the gap...trying to block the flowing of the crimson blood out of his throat. In his eyes were one question "WHY" Why he asked with his shocked eyes. As his eyes began to fade his colours...I watched without blinking my eyes...basking in his death.
As I slowly lay his hands by bothsides, I slit his wrists. Deep and almost dangling off his hand. Just to make sure.Making sure he does not breath again. Making sure he would not wakes up again to hurt me. Making sure that there would not be a 2nd donkey like him...who preys on people feelings, emotions. All donkeys shall die like him.
Life would be beautiful if he listens to me and not go against practical people like me. Instead he chooses to live in his quick and easy scheme to get rich. Not only pulling me down with him but landed me in alot of problems. I should have been brave enough to walk away from him. Be strong enough to live alone. Be contented enough with a simple life. Isn't that is what I had wanted when I was 9years old.
There's alot of things that forces me to grow up. Alot of things that I believe I deserve something better. Alot of things when I feel terrible in my heart. I could cry out loud but it's the pain in the heart that I couldn't cry out. I couldn't write down in words what I was going thru. What I was feeling. How I wish a hand was there to help me then. How I wish....how I wish.
I guess it's all too late now as I'm too twisted to be straighten. Even if it get untwist...the kinks would be a constant reminder of my failure.
Seriously MIL you have given birth to an evil person who cheats on other people feelings...toy them around as though they are like some piece of bad-tasting meat on the plate. Couldn't it be possible that you should have feed poison to your darling, spoilt, uncivilized, non-human compassionate skills. Or drop him in the mouth of hungry crocodile since you are incapable of murturing a small and innocent babies to have human skills & feelings. To know how to treat a person with respect and honour.
I think all the marriage vow about to cherish, honour in sickness..etc..etc till death do us apart is all a big joke to him. I could see myself holding a scalpel and slitting his throat while he was asleep. Watching the sudden gush of blood flowing down his throat. His eyes open in shocked and gasped at me. He tries to clamped shut the gap...trying to block the flowing of the crimson blood out of his throat. In his eyes were one question "WHY" Why he asked with his shocked eyes. As his eyes began to fade his colours...I watched without blinking my eyes...basking in his death.
As I slowly lay his hands by bothsides, I slit his wrists. Deep and almost dangling off his hand. Just to make sure.Making sure he does not breath again. Making sure he would not wakes up again to hurt me. Making sure that there would not be a 2nd donkey like him...who preys on people feelings, emotions. All donkeys shall die like him.
Life would be beautiful if he listens to me and not go against practical people like me. Instead he chooses to live in his quick and easy scheme to get rich. Not only pulling me down with him but landed me in alot of problems. I should have been brave enough to walk away from him. Be strong enough to live alone. Be contented enough with a simple life. Isn't that is what I had wanted when I was 9years old.
There's alot of things that forces me to grow up. Alot of things that I believe I deserve something better. Alot of things when I feel terrible in my heart. I could cry out loud but it's the pain in the heart that I couldn't cry out. I couldn't write down in words what I was going thru. What I was feeling. How I wish a hand was there to help me then. How I wish....how I wish.
I guess it's all too late now as I'm too twisted to be straighten. Even if it get untwist...the kinks would be a constant reminder of my failure.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Hatred post for Colleagues, Ex-collagues + Enemy Camp
I must have seriously woken up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Considering that there is only 1 side of my bed while the other side is against the wall. At 4am...I am freezing cold....feels as though I've been sleeping in the freezer itself. It's still dark and the fan is set to the lowest speed so why am I feeling cold. When I said cold...it means my teeth were chattering badly.
I switch off the fan and went back to sleep. I know that I would wake up feeling crappy later due to interrupted sleep.
So DBo said that L-T people is complaining...Oh come on...for crying out loud...those L-T people would find any things possible to complain...even to the point of their mother for delivering an ugly baby such as themselves. F**K up L-T pple.. Damn freaking lazy men without balls. Too f**king lazy to find the data for themselves. Too f**king lazy to work even. I've been wondering for the past 3yrs eversince I join the Kambing company...why does our client have to be LT people who employ damn f**king lazy MCP.
I hate my colleague...should I say surveyor....another idiotic, brain-dead, stupid, banana eating monkey. I am really pissed off today. To day I should call ONE Damn Pissed Off Day. It's bad enough that the idiot couldn't remember when to send their instruments for calibration as per 6months requirement. Can you imagine not knowing when you've been using the bloody expensive instrument day in and day out. The reminder sticker is sticked on the instrument itself. They must be so stupid to even be known as surveyor. Do you think the bribe the teachers? Pay someone to take their survey exmas?. I think the higher you study...the stupider you become and your common sense is down to major ZERO. I am so surrounded by idiotic baboons today.
Thanks to me....the only sensible, worked-up, short-tempered female with brain in the dept. I send the intruments + arrange for loan set so that their work would not have to stop/disrupt. Their instruments is back from calibration and I had informed to return the loan set and picked up their instrument...NO...this idiotic banana eating monkey not only did not picked up my calls, he did not return my sms.
I feel slightly better now...just now my head feels as though it's going to explode anytime soon.
Another thing....the donkey is back and the donkey did not even bother to return my calls/sms or even inform me that he is back. Seriously I hope the plane crash. I have a very bad feeling that the $800 would not be return. I had to marry a loser right. I had to put up with all his threats. I don't want him to come to my office and create problems for myself or even caused problem for the house processing application that I has to give in to his freaking insane demand.
Maybe when the house deal is thru and everything is black and white in my name. I wish he die a gruesome death. Board the plane and plane caught fire.....he is the only one to be burnt alive while the other passengers look on and clapped their hands.
Or he was out walking one day, when trying to avoid a cyclist while crossing the road, a lorry hit him on his right thigh. He was immediately thrown to the opposite side of the road, along came a shit-carrying lorry and dumped all the waste on him. Along came a motorcycle and beheaded his neck.
I switch off the fan and went back to sleep. I know that I would wake up feeling crappy later due to interrupted sleep.
So DBo said that L-T people is complaining...Oh come on...for crying out loud...those L-T people would find any things possible to complain...even to the point of their mother for delivering an ugly baby such as themselves. F**K up L-T pple.. Damn freaking lazy men without balls. Too f**king lazy to find the data for themselves. Too f**king lazy to work even. I've been wondering for the past 3yrs eversince I join the Kambing company...why does our client have to be LT people who employ damn f**king lazy MCP.
I hate my colleague...should I say surveyor....another idiotic, brain-dead, stupid, banana eating monkey. I am really pissed off today. To day I should call ONE Damn Pissed Off Day. It's bad enough that the idiot couldn't remember when to send their instruments for calibration as per 6months requirement. Can you imagine not knowing when you've been using the bloody expensive instrument day in and day out. The reminder sticker is sticked on the instrument itself. They must be so stupid to even be known as surveyor. Do you think the bribe the teachers? Pay someone to take their survey exmas?. I think the higher you study...the stupider you become and your common sense is down to major ZERO. I am so surrounded by idiotic baboons today.
Thanks to me....the only sensible, worked-up, short-tempered female with brain in the dept. I send the intruments + arrange for loan set so that their work would not have to stop/disrupt. Their instruments is back from calibration and I had informed to return the loan set and picked up their instrument...NO...this idiotic banana eating monkey not only did not picked up my calls, he did not return my sms.
I feel slightly better now...just now my head feels as though it's going to explode anytime soon.
Another thing....the donkey is back and the donkey did not even bother to return my calls/sms or even inform me that he is back. Seriously I hope the plane crash. I have a very bad feeling that the $800 would not be return. I had to marry a loser right. I had to put up with all his threats. I don't want him to come to my office and create problems for myself or even caused problem for the house processing application that I has to give in to his freaking insane demand.
Maybe when the house deal is thru and everything is black and white in my name. I wish he die a gruesome death. Board the plane and plane caught fire.....he is the only one to be burnt alive while the other passengers look on and clapped their hands.
Or he was out walking one day, when trying to avoid a cyclist while crossing the road, a lorry hit him on his right thigh. He was immediately thrown to the opposite side of the road, along came a shit-carrying lorry and dumped all the waste on him. Along came a motorcycle and beheaded his neck.
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