Giddy Feeling

We talked for more than 1hr.....I'm feeling giddy with laughter and funny words that he likes to used. Honestly, I've never laughed so much and my heart really feels happy. Am I crazy? Too crazy in fact.

All I know is that I am happy. For now. Really happy.

Crazy about Giraffe :-)

Spring in your feet

This morning, I woke up with big smile on my face. Such lovely dreams that slipped away the moment I wakes up and trying to recall them. But no matter what, it was the most sweetest dreams as I slept soundly and waking up happy in my heart.

My feet were light and could almost feel the spring in all the steps to work. Smiling and feeling happy. I try not to think the important issues yet. Main thing is to wake up feeling happy on a Monday morning.

Tell you more about the new giraffe that feels warms and loving when being touch. The safest hugs and the lightest kiss on my cheeks. 270107

When a heart breaks?

It hurts, you wish you can cry out but you can't as the pain would not go away. It would not erase the fact that it is broken and could not be mended the same way. It does not feel like Ally McBeal having her heart shot by arrows. It feels as though it is being torn apart. Squeezed and suffocated. You can't breathe and everything is not the same. Nothing is the same. Nothing feels right. Everything that you do feels wrong and meaningless.

It does not help with listening to old songs and reminiscing the old memories. It does not help as everywhere you turn, it hurts. It does not help when you gave advise to people about letting it go if it is never meant to be yours. It hurts and for any quiet moments, your tears just flow down your cheeks. There is no off button. For any little thing, you can cry. When you try to mask with laughter, it hurts even more. And while you type how you feel, tears flow freely down your cheeks.

It does not help knowing that the front of your tee is wet with wiping your tears away since morning. You are like a walking zombie. You don't feel the things and people around you but yet you have to interact with it. You can't let go of yourself. You can't ignore the fact that life still goes on. You can't ignore the fact that someone else is waiting for you.

Imagine losing the same person for the 2nd time. Maybe, it is for the best. Maybe, it was never meant to be. Maybe, that is how the story of my life goes. To feel pain and to be alive. To stay alive. To survive. To acknowledge that I am a coward. I only follow what my parents wanted me to do. I only listen. I don't have a rebel cells in me. I accept in quiet and watch my life fade away before my eyes.

Rebel cells lives in mini love that beats up the people who chain me to the chair. They don't allowed me to feel. To experience. To break. To live for myself. To live with someone I truly love. To be with someone that I can care. To feel the warm of another person.

The tap flows non-stop. I need to replace the faucet soon. It need to be like before. Cold! Totally devoid of feelings! Just a puppet.

Stress Stress Stress

About work, about house, about school, about loans, about getting new job, about leaving work, about weight, about food.....just about everything in the whole wide world.

My brain and my hand refuse to co-operate and work together. My heart says another thing but the mind due to the new practical software that I've just installed in me...refuse to coordinate. The whole body is in turmoil.

I am going to stop surfing net and start posting all my craziness. I need to let everything out before I explode.

Alam (the ugly looking B worker who bleached his cheeks) And I thought MJ is crazy to bleached himself. The reason why he bleached as he says that the cheeks is dark-coloured. For an Asian with darker skin tone...he says it is ugly....he just proofs the white commercials to be RIGHT!!...Loser!! So anyway, the clown face told me that my DBoss is leaving is Korea (partially true) and Mr Maeng is going to replaced him (WHAT THE BEEP BEEP!!) That sicko crazy wacko is going to replace my 'cute' Dboss. I can accept that? I refuse to accept that.

He is not a nice person. Shrewd, cunning and manipulative. So I am seriously waiting for my BONUS and see how it goes...life after Dboss and plus to get my son citizenship...then off I go. This time, I am going to work in more permanent sector....like "GARMEN" sector.

Too stress out....need to buy beds to furnish the house or else where do I place my new mattress....Arrrgghhh. Beds aside....I don't have a driver that works at my beck and call....lol...just kidding!

I am juggling in life. Do I want to proceed with Donkey or Tiger? No idea and been weighing on my mind.

And I am struggling with tatting....I wonder who invented or pioneered it...for the thread MUST flip. I am so close to throwing the shuttles down the refuse chute.

Time to go and start working again. I hate to update those Settlement GDB files.....so STOOPID.....

Happen today at MacPherson - lunch time

I was walking towards the bus stop with Bubbly-Girl during lunch time...me going to post office and Bubbly-Girl is off to chocolate land. At the bus stop there is one M lady wearing the traditional clothes and semi-covering her head using the traditional head-dress.

She approaches me and asked if I'm M or I. I said that I am an I (well technically speaking, I am an I as dad is pure North I and mum is a mixture of M and I...so I'm an I) She said that she had gone to the mosque and was asking for help. She said that her mum had passed away. (Going thru my mind....so her mum died and why did she go to mosque? The place where she is staying have their own people who takes care of the dead....back to reality) She had asked for $10 to see her mum (in my mind = how can you bury the dead with just $10?) I said they have their reason...must be the office policy. (what else do I say??)

She said that the people there is not friendly and don't want to help her. (here I'm thanking myself that I did not say I'm M) She said that if she asked from people (at this moment a huge cement mixer dash across us follow by a bus....the noise is so deafening that I can hear what she was saying) Lucky enough her bus is here and she board it.

Interesting experience....so your mum died (she looks 50yrs old) must be very old mum that passes away. She looked very calm standing at the bus stop before she approaches me. She does not look sad, or crying or really traumatise by the news. She said the people in the mosque refuse to help her with $10 to see her mum. I am sorry but I don't buy into that kind of story anymore.

I have had many people approaching me asking for money with different kind of stories that you stopped believing into them.

Imagine one day at the library itself in Sembawang and very far away from the MRT or bus station, an old M man approached me at 8:30pm. Saying that, he had brought his 2 kids out (which by the way, the 2 kids were running around in the library) and had no money to go home. I turned him down nicely as I did not carry any cash on me then. Then he can asked me how do I travel then. I said using the farecard (stored value card). He just walked off.

2 days later, at the SAM machine outside of Woodlands MRT station, the very same guy approached me asking for money. I said that the 1st time, you asked me and I could believe you....2nd time is not true. Went on further to tell him that if I saw him again the 3rd time asking for money, I would call the police. He quickly walks away.

See in SG, there are no beggars and begging for money is not allowed. The government or other bodies is providing for the lesser people. If you have a problem, no work, no money to send children to school, no food...all is being provided if you just asked....and work. You don't go around asking money from people.

Really Stressed Out

I'm really stressed out today as my Dbo just told me a HUGE / FAT / CHUNK of secret that almost all of the people had guessed but not yet confirmed. So, Dbo said that our dept would ends in July 2007. Of course, that is BAD news for me as I've just bought a house, my son is starting school and I need the money to maintain the household.

Should I start looking for a job now? But I can't leave my work here unfinished, as no matter how much I hated working with some of the staffs & snobbish workers here, I still have work responsibilities. Let me see how things go....and if it gets from worse to terribly worse....I guess I have to start looking for a new job soon.

Can't blog now as still too stressed out over house matters tomorrow. :-( Not a happy person this week.

Move on Really Fast

I was going thru my list of bloggers...down my x-stitching site and decided to pay a visit on a fellow. It struck me badly...I'm actually wondering what makes him take such a quick decision. His dear, bubbly wife passed away from unknown reason (not disclosed) in Feb 2006 and now he is getting hitched with another lady...wearing the ring in Dec 2006!!

Either I've been watching too many American murder movies/flicks/dramas, CSIs, Matlock, Murder She Wrote...etc or I think it is just plain rude. How can a person moves on so fast. Doesn't the memory of the wife means anything to him at all?

I've been reading the blog, seems as though, he never got married and was a bachelor all along. Maybe he thinks that it is better to get hitched again since the other girl is waiting for so long.

I have to really stopped reading all these murder mystery books. Can I say that he kills the wife?? Reality is so sad at times. It really bugs me....Can I say that I should be happy that he has found someone else to fill in the empty void eversince the wife left him? I can't lie to my heart about that.

Guest shall arrive at 6:50pm.....get the lucky draw ticket and be seated. We (3 of us...read previous post) arrive downstairs since it is just outside the office on the carpark (party being organised.)

...gotta stop now....work...work..work

He has an ISSUE with me??

Fun, fun night last night...the company had organized the annual dinner...ehh no dance last night. The weather sucks with intermittent rain, the food was terrible..thank god the company was right. So me, Mr William and Mr Shashi sat at one table which meant for 10 people....typical us...besides can't blame us...there are only 4 people left in my department and with 1 of the surveyor not attending...so 3 of us at one huge table.

I would give a detailed run-down of the event. Point to be said out first. Mr Banci needs to deal with some serious issue. I can understand if he hated my guts, my straightforwardness and my practicality but NOT to take our pictures during the dinner...bypassing us when he is just standing at the next table and clicking away...that crosses all boundaries of my tolerance towards his childish behaviour.

How I wish I can flash my finger at him then!...Now that he gets on my nerves...he my 'dear friend' is getting fried by me. I would laugh openly at him now....talked about PARANOID sissy!! Bwahahaha!!

Having 2nd Thoughts

Is it just me....or it's just me. We actually laugh over the phone on some silly conversation?? Fell kinda bizarre....narrating the whole (well not the whole stuff...a gist) affair from a few days ago.

Ok...I would inform you of my schedule....here me trying my best not to kill him or drown him..set back for a while...eh, telling me his schedule tomorrow? Whatever for? Would I even care if he slip on a banana peel and cracked his skull by the road kerb? Would I even care if he is going into his crazy business ventures yet again? I just replied ok. Wrong move girl...I should have known better. I kept thinking the whole thing till the next day. Wondering..what work schedule. Another business trip? MIL coming to visit? He is finally leaving? He finally decided to dropped dead on me? Ok evil thoughts but I am pissed off. Need to attend anger management class pretty soon before I explode head first.

So the next day...waited patiently, well rather anxiously as at 4pm, he said he would call and would inform me of his work schedule. 4:05pm....eh no call...so I decided to call him instead. I told him that he said he would called and inform me of his work schedule. Oh nothing much...just want to tell me what he is planning to do in the next few days. I asked...eh why?...He said...why not, is it any wrong to intimate me with such details. Ok..woman is thinking super fast and super crazy thoughts came up. Do I even care? Why he bothers suddenly?...I said..intimate me?...well mind was really going crazy...telling me or intimate me?..that is 2 different things right.

So he asked me to meet him nearby...and I was going why?...nothing easier to intimate with the details of his schedule. Ok that is TOO weird for me. So crazy woman laugh. I know...I laugh at the slightest thing. it may not be funny for others but it easily cracks me up.

I need to lie down.

I Have Lost

I thought things would change...things change all right...to me it meant for the worse. He/She assume it is for the best. When one give up on one's faith/belief and choose not to see the good in it but only the bad....one have lost themselves forever.

Tears For Fears

For all the tears that I shed....only God would forgive him for there is no place in my heart to forgive him anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beats for him any longer. I don't hate him but hate myself for believing in him and for being too-trusting.

Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.

Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.

See the first sms was a big joke....me treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.

To the lady who gave birth to him....you should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my MIL...how I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.

Kill the Worker Post

To start off....do I kill the worker or do I strangle my Dbo for not understanding my frustration.

Gue kalo diberi waktu bisa ku cekik-cekik semua kambing-kambing di kantor. Biar puas rasa hatiku. biar mereka tahu betapanya jelek perbuatan mereka itu. Sikap acuh dan tidak acuh. Membiarkan kemarahan ku memuncak. Kapan, bisa ku bertahan. Kapan, mereka akan bertanya jiwa aku bisa terawat oleh sikap mereka yang sentiasa mengherankan orang lain. Perangai yang tidak pantas disebut manusia.

Aduh, sama sekali buat ku pusing selalu. Apakah ini dinamakan makan gaji orang besar. Jiwa ku rasa tertekan. Ingin memberontak. Ingin bebas. Ingin bersendirian. Ingin ku tinggalkan kompeni dengan keadaan yang huru-hara. Biarin...mereka rasakan betapa sakitnya hati ku ini.

Mahu ajak ngobrol sudah nggak bisa. Sibuk disini, sibuk disitu. Apa yang dikejarnya? Bila akan ku bicara?

English frustration post...sorry everyone who is reading my blog..I am not feeling well. I hate my assitant Siti Anizah Binte Ridwan for leaving me 2nd time. She not only don't have the courtesy to tell me that face to face. Because of her, I felt humiliated. I felt degraded. I felt bad. I felt betrayed. I would never trust Malay people who looks for a job where I am working. Not ever, not one single soul.

Yes I publicise her name her as I don't think she is capable of holding a job down. and the equally useless husband..Muhammad Isa Bin Muhammad Ali. He is addicted to cough syrup. He is a drug-addict. He abuses the cough syrup. He drinks to get high. He drinks that to get away from family problems. he drinks that to run away from resposibilities. As a result of his incapabilities of providing for his family. He pulls his wife down. Instead of fighting against it, she too chooses to sink with him. She chooses to ruin her life. They are both murderers. They have a son name Muhammad Faiz Bin Muhammad Isa. He is 2yrs old this year. Both useless parents not working and who do you think would have to provide for the innocent life. In other words, they are both murderers. They choose to give in to lust....create a life yet refuse to maintain and nourish the life.

That boy is better off in the orphanage. At least, the people there..even though lack parental love....they would give him shelter, food, education and bring him up to be a better person instead of their useless parents.

Before I was discharge from hospital, the nurse had prevented me from bringing my son home. I'm a single mother. To them I am deem incapable of bringing up a life without a husband. 3years later, my son is doing and growing up well...full of warmth and love at home. Next year, he would be starting school. The society choose to judge me coz I am not married. Choose to believe that I am not stable. Choose to believe that I'm incapable. What about the parents that I just mentioned. Why judge me....judge all. My son would never get the benefits what the parents got for their son but they choose to ruin his future.

My Dbo thinks that each time I open my mouth is basically nonsense and trying to bring down other poeple. Yes, that freaking idiot Bangladeshi worker skipped work and I get the blame for it. Is that even fair. I told him to provide with a new worker...he is not capable of doing anything besides nodding his head and said that his hand is tied and PM said there is a limit to one dept. I asked one question...what is the poiint of having a worker who can't perform his duty when the nature of our job is rather delicate. Anytime the diaphragm wall can collapse...who do I blame when that happens = for their incapability for making a simple decision.

I'm at the stage whereby I have develop the nodding manner. Any thing that I said is like talking to wall. My opinions are not matter. So don't blame me when the Kallang factories roof collapse onto someone's head or the diaphragm wall caves in taking with them hundreds of people living in the HDB flats surrounding the excavation area.

I rather be overly concerned now than regret later.

The new Myammar geotechnical engineer Mr Sumo is puzzled at Dbo decision. Choosing to put the things aside instead of tackling the problem. As I said that is normal in Kambing company. I think it's about time I move on to a place where people requires my service.

Donkey Hatred Post

I have always wished well for people no matter how bad I feel after being treated badly. I guess this time, it crosses all my stages of patience. I wished that the donkey would die a painful, long, ever-lasting, agonising, mind-tormenting, one by one fingernails extraction by pliers (have to thank the Japanese to come up with the torturing method while invading Singapore)..back to torture mode...tongue clamping and torched with hot iron that have been heated up to terrible degrees over fiery red hot coals.

Seriously MIL you have given birth to an evil person who cheats on other people feelings...toy them around as though they are like some piece of bad-tasting meat on the plate. Couldn't it be possible that you should have feed poison to your darling, spoilt, uncivilized, non-human compassionate skills. Or drop him in the mouth of hungry crocodile since you are incapable of murturing a small and innocent babies to have human skills & feelings. To know how to treat a person with respect and honour.

I think all the marriage vow about to cherish, honour in sickness..etc..etc till death do us apart is all a big joke to him. I could see myself holding a scalpel and slitting his throat while he was asleep. Watching the sudden gush of blood flowing down his throat. His eyes open in shocked and gasped at me. He tries to clamped shut the gap...trying to block the flowing of the crimson blood out of his throat. In his eyes were one question "WHY" Why he asked with his shocked eyes. As his eyes began to fade his colours...I watched without blinking my eyes...basking in his death.

As I slowly lay his hands by bothsides, I slit his wrists. Deep and almost dangling off his hand. Just to make sure.Making sure he does not breath again. Making sure he would not wakes up again to hurt me. Making sure that there would not be a 2nd donkey like him...who preys on people feelings, emotions. All donkeys shall die like him.

Life would be beautiful if he listens to me and not go against practical people like me. Instead he chooses to live in his quick and easy scheme to get rich. Not only pulling me down with him but landed me in alot of problems. I should have been brave enough to walk away from him. Be strong enough to live alone. Be contented enough with a simple life. Isn't that is what I had wanted when I was 9years old.

There's alot of things that forces me to grow up. Alot of things that I believe I deserve something better. Alot of things when I feel terrible in my heart. I could cry out loud but it's the pain in the heart that I couldn't cry out. I couldn't write down in words what I was going thru. What I was feeling. How I wish a hand was there to help me then. How I wish....how I wish.

I guess it's all too late now as I'm too twisted to be straighten. Even if it get untwist...the kinks would be a constant reminder of my failure.

Hatred post for Colleagues, Ex-collagues + Enemy Camp

I must have seriously woken up on the wrong side of bed this morning. Considering that there is only 1 side of my bed while the other side is against the wall. At 4am...I am freezing cold....feels as though I've been sleeping in the freezer itself. It's still dark and the fan is set to the lowest speed so why am I feeling cold. When I said cold...it means my teeth were chattering badly.

I switch off the fan and went back to sleep. I know that I would wake up feeling crappy later due to interrupted sleep.

So DBo said that L-T people is complaining...Oh come on...for crying out loud...those L-T people would find any things possible to complain...even to the point of their mother for delivering an ugly baby such as themselves. F**K up L-T pple.. Damn freaking lazy men without balls. Too f**king lazy to find the data for themselves. Too f**king lazy to work even. I've been wondering for the past 3yrs eversince I join the Kambing company...why does our client have to be LT people who employ damn f**king lazy MCP.

I hate my colleague...should I say surveyor....another idiotic, brain-dead, stupid, banana eating monkey. I am really pissed off today. To day I should call ONE Damn Pissed Off Day. It's bad enough that the idiot couldn't remember when to send their instruments for calibration as per 6months requirement. Can you imagine not knowing when you've been using the bloody expensive instrument day in and day out. The reminder sticker is sticked on the instrument itself. They must be so stupid to even be known as surveyor. Do you think the bribe the teachers? Pay someone to take their survey exmas?. I think the higher you study...the stupider you become and your common sense is down to major ZERO. I am so surrounded by idiotic baboons today.

Thanks to me....the only sensible, worked-up, short-tempered female with brain in the dept. I send the intruments + arrange for loan set so that their work would not have to stop/disrupt. Their instruments is back from calibration and I had informed to return the loan set and picked up their instrument...NO...this idiotic banana eating monkey not only did not picked up my calls, he did not return my sms.

I feel slightly better now...just now my head feels as though it's going to explode anytime soon.

Another thing....the donkey is back and the donkey did not even bother to return my calls/sms or even inform me that he is back. Seriously I hope the plane crash. I have a very bad feeling that the $800 would not be return. I had to marry a loser right. I had to put up with all his threats. I don't want him to come to my office and create problems for myself or even caused problem for the house processing application that I has to give in to his freaking insane demand.

Maybe when the house deal is thru and everything is black and white in my name. I wish he die a gruesome death. Board the plane and plane caught fire.....he is the only one to be burnt alive while the other passengers look on and clapped their hands.

Or he was out walking one day, when trying to avoid a cyclist while crossing the road, a lorry hit him on his right thigh. He was immediately thrown to the opposite side of the road, along came a shit-carrying lorry and dumped all the waste on him. Along came a motorcycle and beheaded his neck.

I stopped and read all my older posts...Confirm twisted or basket case. Now that I'm fully relaxed, back does not hurt as much as they did....1hr ago. No missy can't go off as I have a stack on of 3cm thick report to print for tomorrow's meeting.

My head does not pound anymore now that I've upload all my crazy, pent-up frustrations and anger on the blog. One more to add before I go offline. The surveyor in my office said that the 'twerp' is a magnet for disaster. Very true. :)

Oh the post about the donkey death...I would like to add...'twerp' in that plane. Both to go please.

I post queer, weird thoughts to de-stress or un-wind myself. It's the only thing that I can do since I am cooped up in office all day long like chicken at chicken farm..Eat, drink, lay eggs, sleep, eat drink...and so on.

I bought a ruler last night. Yes a straight edge as the kambings kompeni don't have one. There is one pencil sharpening gadget that is attached to a cupboard. Cupboard beside the main traffic walkway and shared by the whole kambing kompeni. Except for one single, dwarf, non-married, old Pinoy man who is not interested in getting married...rich bloke (do I think he is gay?) sharpens his pencils. Well any guys that is shorter than me is considered short. I even make fun of my DBoss. Make fun of his pronounciation, his height, his short golf club, his weird sense of shirts colour, his bad smoking habits, his forgetfulness.

In one word...I poke fun at him....it is good that he can actually laugh at himself...or else I'll be in one hot, boiling, scalding, life-threatening soup. I need the money to pay for my existence plus a few others. I don't need the job...money is fine for me....kwang kwang kwang.

Sucker for Romantic Songs

At 18yrs old...I like listening to Depeche mode song titled "Somebody" Nice and meaningful lyrics. Very practical too.

Somebody - Depeche Mode

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
And in a place like this
I'll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

At 25 years old...I watch the movie...The Wedding Singer and can't keep this song especially out of my head. Very sweet just like the show.

Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler

[Billy Idol (Speaking):] Good afternoon everyone.
We're flying at 26,000 feet, moving
up to thirty thousand feet, and then we've got clear skies
all the way to Las Vegas, and right now we're bringing you some in-flight
entertainment. One of our first-class passengers would like to sing you a song
inspired by one of our coach passengers, and since we let our first-class
passengers do pretty much whatever they want, here he is.

[Robbie Hart (Singing):]
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold

Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

Now at 31yrs old....I simply love the 2nd song....very practical and romantic but how true can it get? But the best song ever is this one for me.

Livin' On The Edge - Aerosmith

There's somethin' wrong with the world today
I don't know what it is
Something's wrong with our eyes

We're seein' things in a different way
And God knows it ain't his
It shore ain't no surprise

Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge

There's somethin' wrong with the world today
The light bulb's gettin dim
There's meltdown in the sky

If you can judge a wise man
By the color of his skin
Then mister you're a better man than I

[Chorus:]
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself from fallin'
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself at all
Livin' on the edge
You can't stop yourself from fallin'
Livin' on the edge

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication - aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin'
Even if it wasn't would you still come crawlin'
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again & again

Tell me what you think about your sit-u-a-tion
Complication - aggravation
Is getting to you

If chicken little tells you that the sky is fallin'
Even if it was would you still come crawlin'
Back again
I bet you would my friend
Again & again & again & again

Something right with the world today
And everybody knows it's wrong
But we can tell 'em no or we could let it go
But I'd would rather be a hanging on
[Chorus]

Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Livin' on the edge
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Chorus]

Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself at all
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself
You can't help yourself
Livin' on the edge
You can't help yourself from fallin'

Listening to certain songs actually tells me what I am feeling at the moment and how to overcome what I am feeling...whether it's sad, happy (now who wants to overcome happiness right? But then if it's not true happiness.), angry, remorse, guilty, shame, light, heavy...etc

Was I Right - Wild Imagination

It's 18:39 on SG time....I sits here at my deck typing away. Did I make the right decision. Did I betray myself. Did I let him get to me. Did I let him abuse my rights, thoughts, emotions and feelings. I could only hope for the best & goodness in everyone no matter what a failure he had been. I hope I have make a right decision. There is no turning back. Now that he have left the country and heading for the China Sea.

I wish to the people upstairs to let the plane crash and only he would die...well maybe from drowning so that he would not be able to come back and abuse me. Maybe the plane would caught fire, burn his face...leave the teeth for identification sake. Burn his hand....1st, 2nd, 3rd degree burn...so that he be really dead. Ok wait let him suffocated first from the fumes + smoke...then the fire can roast him while he is still unconscious??

While the whole body is being engulf in fire....the plane plunges into the huge body of water...doused the fires....a rescue ship happen to be on site...with rescue helicopters...and he plunges deepes into the sea....after 2 days, his body finally surfaced...bloated, grossed, decaying, decomposed...smells really, really, utterly, terribly, horribly smelly.

Now that would be letting him off too easily. Coz the donkey still have hutang to be paid. Hutang nyawa. Now that is so drama.

I'm sitting in my terrible uncomfortable chair that does not move since it has no wheels. No wheels means it won't move and I don't slip while sitting or sleeping. Back ache from my right shoulder running down to the right wing and ending at my right butt. Severe head pounding activities on my right brain too. I wish I can lie down and let the bulldozer just roll me.

I am simply tired...getting too old now....31years old and old? Considering that I've been working since young....let me check 9yrs old...22yrs is such a long time.

Twerp + Increase = Old Cows

So GST is going to raise to 7% next year. Reason being to support the old people. I have nothing against the old people...but seriously if they don't even bother to help my mother...I don't see why I should help their mothers. The transport fare were increase and reason given = to support the old people. Seriously...this support the old people thingy is seriously getting on my freaking nerves. My mum does not get help....like Hell I am going to support their old people. But do I have a choice??? NO!!...Cause the "garmen" said so...so I have to listen obediently like a dog with a dry bone and keep quiet. Where is the wall when I need one. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

My pay still stays the same (next year likely to be out of job due to completion of construction project)....transport fare increase, goods tax increase, electric & water bills increase, groceries increase. Employer CPF contribution not increase.

The twerp was in SG few days ago..twerp commented on us being resourceful and yada..yada against terrorist. Honestly speaking, twerp being here is like attracting terrorists to the peaceful sunny island. First time in my life, I can actually feel that my heart being squeezed so tight as though something evil and bad going to happen. That twerp is born jinx (same goes to twerp senior)+ bad luck to anyone when twerp open his mouth. Look at the disaster that twerp created in ME.