Out of My Life

Just an update...G is totally gone out of my life. He is not worth the effort. He never kept his words!! I'm not upset but glad it's over as I can't go thru with another person lying to me again...I still have issues to settled with D.

Heart Did a Jump

I could have sworn that my heart nearly jump out of my chest. G called me today. just few mins ago.

Can I Kicked Myself on my A**

Patience finally cracks on me last night. G came to office and it dawns upon me that I like him but he is not a husband nor a father material. He is not responsible enough. He is not caring enough. He is not alot of things.

The part when you loved someone, you must accepts his shortcomings or handicaps just does not apply to me.

I hated the way he eat his food. The way he wasted his food. The way he ordered me around. The way he tries to tame me. Sorry dear, I ain't buying into being a servant wifey thingy character.

He is too loud. He is too open. He talks without concern if people could listens to his crazy words. He is childish in listening to loud music on train.

I'm listing all the points here. Well I am trying to lists down the points that irritates me alot. He uses vulgar words. Like F**K U in Hokkien. Darn, I am not going out with a Secret Society. The most I would do is flash a person if I'm annoyed but not FO like in every other sentence.

Back to work now.

It is Too Late

I called G on sunday morning. Adam spoke to him. "Sudah makan", "makan apa" and then he starts his version of English...all gibberish but sounded like English words.

I dont remember the whole conversation but it went something like, it's too late. Too late for what? He is going to make the donkey signed the divorce papers. Are you serious about marrying me? Yes I am. But I'm not in a hurry to get married. Neither do I. Maybe when I am 43years old, in 10 years time. But I won't be 43years old in 10years time. I'm only 31 now...how can 31 plus 10 be 43? More like 41yrs old. So you can wait for 10yrs?

We started laughing. Nice feeling but scary at the same time.

Why I termed it nice? Nice as in there is a guy who is crazy enough and wants to marry me.

Scary? What if he turns out to be like another Donkey? I can't take any chances on my life again. If only they come with flashing screen on their forward. Flashing FALSE & TRUE? It is so much easier to make choices that way. Now is like flipping a coin. Hoping for head and you get the tail.

Let's not scare myself anymore. One steps at a time.

I'm at a stage whereby I hate the Donkey to the core. And wishes to see something bad happened to him for his evil deeds to me. But I can't wished for that as that is going to be bad karma for me. I'm sure what happens was for a purpose. Painful yet a learning experience. I would not be able to find in my heart to forgive him. I only hope that All Mighty would forgive him.

And at a stage of unsure about my feelings for G. Nice guy but not sure how true it is. No one is goody good. At least he helps me alot. I realised that last week that I did not missed nor talked to my imaginary friend. Seems like IF is slowly going away. I don't find the need to talked to my IF any longer. Thank you for that.

Short Break

G was down with fever/sickness last Monday. I got flustered as I can't call him and its like he disappeared from the surface of the earth.

Anyway, met G last evening at TYP. Just normal chat of 15mins. Why when I'm with him I can't think straight. I can't focus. I'm so aware of my surroundings. I'm aware of people looking at us. Anything that he says just go in straight thru me and never get it register in my head. It's like a giddy floating feeling. It really annoys me. It bothers me.

If I can't level my head, I'm losing my head. Darn!

Spick & Span

Talked to G over the phone last night at 9:30pm. He said that he prefers a room with just the bed, rug, table and wardrobe. WHAT!!!

So where do I put all my books, more books and yet more books. My fabrics, my cross-stitch kit, my beads, my ribbons, my everything?

He said in the store room....say what? Store room?...All those accumulated treasures in the store room? Is he mad? And I asked, what about my sewing machine? He said sewing machine can stays in the room. Phew! Safe! Well I did not mention that I intend to buy an overlock machine in the near future or embroidery machine...hehehe. One steps at the time.

He don't mind sleeping in a single bed either. Maybe easier to kick me out when sleeping....ouch! Let's not look into the future. I am letting the weird relationship runs its normal course. Besides I can plan now but things might not go according to my plans later. The bit about not going to my plans was like, I cannot see myself without my treasures. I can give him up but not my cross-stitching. Sorry dude.

He said that his mum went on holiday once and came home with all her things gone one day (he throws all of them out) She was angry for few days and then calmed down. Now much happier with more space in her room.

If he throws my things when I am gone on holiday, I would castrate him!!

So I am starting to look into the things which I really, really need. I have a long list of books that I am going to put up on my Ebay Store. A Japanese Doll. 3 Porcelain dolls and etc.

I'll be busy this Good Friday. Before I forget, need to get mask before I make myself sick again for the 3rd time in a row.

Wrong Number

At 6:33pm today, I received a call from Donkey today. He said that he would called me once he finished from work today. I told him, don't you finished your work at 6? He said yes but still some work left to do. He repeat again that he would called me later after work.

It is really bothering me because I did not called him yesterday nor today. Not even an sms from me saying/telling/asking that I wanted to talked to him. Eh....so why did he called and sounded as though he is returning my call?

That is so weird and I think he has been caught red-handed. Maybe he meant to call someone else but ends up u nconsciously dialing my number. And not knowing it was me, he just called to say what he would do.

Maintaining Relationship

I am doing maybe a daily journal of the things that goes on in my day each day...a recap. Or just a mind flow.

Monday came and I have like 4 or should I say 5 days of work that I need to clear but Dimwit keep appearing every 15 - 30mins asking if I have finished this, taken the reading for this and told me about the reduce in certain readings. And he does that all over again 2 or 3hrs later.

I like to work with my mind fully concentrating on what I'm supposed to do, have to do and not to be interrupted like every 2 secs. I was 1cm closed to calling him an idiot or locked my office door.

I put on my headphone and listen to the music over and over again. This time no one can complain as I am not disturbing or invading on their listening territory. And if they want to listen to any music...well tough luck as I'm not as obliging as before. I sick to my ass about being nice to people and then they walked all over me.

I cant never be like William...listening, keeping, analysing and very quiet. I am the ultimate chatter-box. I talked to my pc, I sing out loud, I talked to my imaginary person next to me. Very comforting knowing that IT never disagrees and what I say is right.

So G told me that he is going to airport to fetch his frens.

At midnight, frens not back as plane/flight got delayed in Dubai due to something which I cant hear clearly over the phone. I tried but things is really not working. I dont have hearing problem nor something wrong with my ears. It is when the other party couldnt pronounce the words clearly. Keep on gluing the whole sentence or perfect english words together.

At times, I feel ridiculous but I just kept quiet for fearing of offending the other person. So G asked if I had been to TYP. I paused, recalled back the whole events that leads me to TYP. And slowly I said yes. He asked if I was speaking/talking to some dude. I re-enact the whole events to him on what I had done and what I was doing. I told him that there is no way I was seen talking to anyone...man or woman. He said that he have spies watching my movements. Yeah right....I'm like trapped in some James Bond kind of movie or what??

I told him slowly yet clearly that the next time...he so-called spies caught me talking to any living soul....please take a picture of me and prove it. I simply dont understand at all....why the need for his other frens to be watching me. Observing me, reporting all my moves to him. This is like ridiculous. Feels as though it is a crime to even talk to the shop-keeper.

Being in a relationship doesnt mean that you control someone like sheep to be slaughtered kind of feelings. He said he is jealous. More like over-possessive.

I'm beginning to see this whole relationship in a different light.

Sick Rants

I met giraffe on Tuesday evening (obviously after work) he was sneezing all the way home. I went home and I sneeze once (OMG)

Wednesday morning - Woke up with a sore throat and slight headache. On my way to office, I bought Strepsils for sore throat.

Afternoon: temp raising and by 5:30pm I ate 2 panadols to get rid of the headache.

Evening : Went to AMK and bought 2 cheap charts. 1 nose blocked.

Night : Eat dinner and ate 2 panadols, No fan facing me.

Thursday Morning: Woke up all sweaty but still not feeling well but much better than yesterday. Headache is reduced, nose is no longer blocked but runny now. Still having the sore throat. Green mucus and phlegm. I've lost my taste buds. Before leaving the house, ate some rice...taste like gooey mash stuff.

Before reaching the Office : Had an ice-cream...does not taste anything except gooey, slimy stuff in my mouth.

I would like to thank Giraffe for inflicting me with his germs. I am so sick now.

Is it really true?

I went out with Giraffe last night...we had our talked about us. He asked me where I want to be with him. I said to give me time to think about it.

Giraffe was busy scrolling down his mobile number and I came upon alot of person names that says Donkey. He knew what is/was going on with me and Donkey. He showed me the number one by one and asked do I know any of them. Should I say shocked....I did not give out Donkey's number to him...how is it possible he has them??

Giraffe described Donkey to me in detail...the best part of all..Donkey has a son now with a chinese lady. The son is around 2-3 months. I am shocked yet relieved. Say what...your husband is having an affair with some girl outside...probably living with her and to the extend of having a child too...and you are relieved??

See that is so weird.

Well I'm not. I am happy. I don't have bad thoughts. I don't hate someone for deceiving me. i really can't hate. I only wished that his mum would have strangled him when he was a baby...lol...now that is so funny.

Call it quits 2nd time

It's been 3 days since I last called Giraffe. Yeah I did the stupidest thing and reply his call (2 days after 9th Feb). Well at least I am well-prepared this time. I think I am ok without Giraffe around to disrupt my thinking and myself.

2nd time, I felt odd and awkward going out with him as my curious alert is set to red alert. So nothing he says seeped into me. Enter the right ear, exit the left ear.

Dump The Giraffe

I call it quits last Wednesday night around 11:30pm on the giraffe. Can't call him as my voice would betray me...instead I sms. Saying that he should refrain himself from calling me.

It is hard but I had to let it go as the donkey's have his people everywhere. 2 days before the big dump, he called to enquire and I got scared. Giraffe says that I am not wise in allowing him taking advantage of me but I don't have a choice.

Besides Giraffe acted really weirdly and angry when I asked to see his identification. Can't blame me for asking.

Anyway...it does feels weird not to have someone to call and be called. :-(

So in order to stop all the thinking, I'm making myself more busy than usual.

Giddy Feeling

We talked for more than 1hr.....I'm feeling giddy with laughter and funny words that he likes to used. Honestly, I've never laughed so much and my heart really feels happy. Am I crazy? Too crazy in fact.

All I know is that I am happy. For now. Really happy.

Crazy about Giraffe :-)

Spring in your feet

This morning, I woke up with big smile on my face. Such lovely dreams that slipped away the moment I wakes up and trying to recall them. But no matter what, it was the most sweetest dreams as I slept soundly and waking up happy in my heart.

My feet were light and could almost feel the spring in all the steps to work. Smiling and feeling happy. I try not to think the important issues yet. Main thing is to wake up feeling happy on a Monday morning.

Tell you more about the new giraffe that feels warms and loving when being touch. The safest hugs and the lightest kiss on my cheeks. 270107