Sick Rants

I met giraffe on Tuesday evening (obviously after work) he was sneezing all the way home. I went home and I sneeze once (OMG)

Wednesday morning - Woke up with a sore throat and slight headache. On my way to office, I bought Strepsils for sore throat.

Afternoon: temp raising and by 5:30pm I ate 2 panadols to get rid of the headache.

Evening : Went to AMK and bought 2 cheap charts. 1 nose blocked.

Night : Eat dinner and ate 2 panadols, No fan facing me.

Thursday Morning: Woke up all sweaty but still not feeling well but much better than yesterday. Headache is reduced, nose is no longer blocked but runny now. Still having the sore throat. Green mucus and phlegm. I've lost my taste buds. Before leaving the house, ate some rice...taste like gooey mash stuff.

Before reaching the Office : Had an ice-cream...does not taste anything except gooey, slimy stuff in my mouth.

I would like to thank Giraffe for inflicting me with his germs. I am so sick now.

Work HATE Posts

The private company wants all the staffs to sign the security pledge in order to put US in hot soup in case someone decided to sue the company. Sorry dear....that stupid paper would not be signed by me. I don't kill myself because of the company.

Let me check what have they given me...my salary coz I worked my ass off besides that nothing.

I don't accept bribes, I don't go for drinks, I don't ass-licked my boss, I don't buy liquor for my boss unlike downstairs depts. They have virus on the network due to the downloaded pornography...LOSER. And my last day working here would be in July.

My ex-Dboss called me last night...the only Korean boss that understands me. The new one which is not really new...boss of my ex-Dboss still thinks that I'm an idiot. For everything, he needs to console with another dimwit.

Suprisingly that dimwit turns out to be cunning. He tampers with the data submitted to the road garmen dept (not my freaking problem) the wall can collapse for all I care. And the other loser surveyor did not tamper with his readings...he just create his own set of readings without doing the actual survey and for that...if the whole stretch of expressway collapse...not my freaking problem either.

Just because the project is coming to an end...everyone work to suit their needs. What are the chances that I would be working with this group of people in the next project??

See, I can always turns a blind eye and forget about all the hanky-panky going on in the office but what if the house/wall collapse. Well people can die for all I care besides 4.6 million of people on an tiny island is actually over-crowding. But I don't want to go to jail just because they tamper with actually reading data.

Let's Do A Series of Truth Posts - This is a HATE rants

Frankly...I HATE cricket...it is the stupidest game on earth besides squash and golf but MEN being small-brained or shall I say pea-brained loves cricket. Why cricket and not football?? Coz you don't tire yourself out too much by running between to stumps. Oh yes...I learn about cricket and all the stupid stuff.

Even swinging the ball you have so many names to call for it...stupid. In gist, defender blocked the ball from hitting your 2 stupid sticks behind you. Blocked it by hitting it away with a bat. basically that's it about the whole hoohah. And cant be bother about which idiot who actually invented about one game can last up to 5days....stooopppppiiidddd.

And during the Cricket World Cup...one team is allowed to bat till 50 overs meaning 1 over is 6 bats. 6 bats = hit the ball 6 times. 1 over = means in one seat of hitting the ball. Total is 300 bats and depends on your runs Runs meaning if you hit the ball and no one catch it...and it rolls to the alloacted boundary...that is 4 runs. But if you hit the ball and it goes out of boundary without touching the ground that is 6 runs.

I am busy minding my own business reading about cross-stitch and other practical news....along came my freaking f**k colleague disturbing me and telling me all about cricket...so what do I have to do is to get to know about it. And now he thinks I know too much. Almost 90% men from India are MCP.

India lost.....and I am frigging happy about it. The MCPs are out of the World Cup coz they think they are so damn good. And imagine playing another team that is full of beer-bellies so they hit about 400 runs...a big deal?? That is called redeeming their shame against drunkard team. Eh what's the glory in that?? I'm sorry to say that because of their cockiness, they lose to school children Bangladesh team of 17s...their own countrymen thinks that they are good as well... News flash people...LOSERS!!

Stage of Numb

I'm still in my stage of numb....trying to recover from the news that I've just received last Thursday. The donkey is living with someone and now having a 2-3 months old baby.

I couldn't cry as I think it is a waste of my tears. I confront him with it on Friday evening (via the phone) and the interesting part is that he did not deny it but just said that he was not there during that time.

I thought about it till I get migraine on Saturday. I am giving myself unnecessary stress.

Is it really true?

I went out with Giraffe last night...we had our talked about us. He asked me where I want to be with him. I said to give me time to think about it.

Giraffe was busy scrolling down his mobile number and I came upon alot of person names that says Donkey. He knew what is/was going on with me and Donkey. He showed me the number one by one and asked do I know any of them. Should I say shocked....I did not give out Donkey's number to him...how is it possible he has them??

Giraffe described Donkey to me in detail...the best part of all..Donkey has a son now with a chinese lady. The son is around 2-3 months. I am shocked yet relieved. Say what...your husband is having an affair with some girl outside...probably living with her and to the extend of having a child too...and you are relieved??

See that is so weird.

Well I'm not. I am happy. I don't have bad thoughts. I don't hate someone for deceiving me. i really can't hate. I only wished that his mum would have strangled him when he was a baby...lol...now that is so funny.

Call it quits 2nd time

It's been 3 days since I last called Giraffe. Yeah I did the stupidest thing and reply his call (2 days after 9th Feb). Well at least I am well-prepared this time. I think I am ok without Giraffe around to disrupt my thinking and myself.

2nd time, I felt odd and awkward going out with him as my curious alert is set to red alert. So nothing he says seeped into me. Enter the right ear, exit the left ear.

3 Days of Hell

I am alive but not without major brain damage. Sg should never have long holidays/breaks more than 1 day. I am contented with my weekly Sunday breaks...the longest time that I have to spend with my mum.

The old bat went on lecturing spree on Sunday evening, pause on Monday evening continue on Tuesday morning. I was contemplating pushing her off from the kitchen windows but thinking seriously how to remove the obvious evidence. I've been watching far too many CSIs. I need a break. A real break away from my mother.

I did however manage to squeeze in some time to stitch a SanMan Design. Thought of cheating on my Wednesday SAL as today is WEDNESDAY and I have tonnes and tonnes of work piled up from Saturday. I am so lucky!

Bye people.....trying not to kill mum tonight.

Dump The Giraffe

I call it quits last Wednesday night around 11:30pm on the giraffe. Can't call him as my voice would betray me...instead I sms. Saying that he should refrain himself from calling me.

It is hard but I had to let it go as the donkey's have his people everywhere. 2 days before the big dump, he called to enquire and I got scared. Giraffe says that I am not wise in allowing him taking advantage of me but I don't have a choice.

Besides Giraffe acted really weirdly and angry when I asked to see his identification. Can't blame me for asking.

Anyway...it does feels weird not to have someone to call and be called. :-(

So in order to stop all the thinking, I'm making myself more busy than usual.

Giddy Feeling

We talked for more than 1hr.....I'm feeling giddy with laughter and funny words that he likes to used. Honestly, I've never laughed so much and my heart really feels happy. Am I crazy? Too crazy in fact.

All I know is that I am happy. For now. Really happy.

Crazy about Giraffe :-)

Spring in your feet

This morning, I woke up with big smile on my face. Such lovely dreams that slipped away the moment I wakes up and trying to recall them. But no matter what, it was the most sweetest dreams as I slept soundly and waking up happy in my heart.

My feet were light and could almost feel the spring in all the steps to work. Smiling and feeling happy. I try not to think the important issues yet. Main thing is to wake up feeling happy on a Monday morning.

Tell you more about the new giraffe that feels warms and loving when being touch. The safest hugs and the lightest kiss on my cheeks. 270107

When a heart breaks?

It hurts, you wish you can cry out but you can't as the pain would not go away. It would not erase the fact that it is broken and could not be mended the same way. It does not feel like Ally McBeal having her heart shot by arrows. It feels as though it is being torn apart. Squeezed and suffocated. You can't breathe and everything is not the same. Nothing is the same. Nothing feels right. Everything that you do feels wrong and meaningless.

It does not help with listening to old songs and reminiscing the old memories. It does not help as everywhere you turn, it hurts. It does not help when you gave advise to people about letting it go if it is never meant to be yours. It hurts and for any quiet moments, your tears just flow down your cheeks. There is no off button. For any little thing, you can cry. When you try to mask with laughter, it hurts even more. And while you type how you feel, tears flow freely down your cheeks.

It does not help knowing that the front of your tee is wet with wiping your tears away since morning. You are like a walking zombie. You don't feel the things and people around you but yet you have to interact with it. You can't let go of yourself. You can't ignore the fact that life still goes on. You can't ignore the fact that someone else is waiting for you.

Imagine losing the same person for the 2nd time. Maybe, it is for the best. Maybe, it was never meant to be. Maybe, that is how the story of my life goes. To feel pain and to be alive. To stay alive. To survive. To acknowledge that I am a coward. I only follow what my parents wanted me to do. I only listen. I don't have a rebel cells in me. I accept in quiet and watch my life fade away before my eyes.

Rebel cells lives in mini love that beats up the people who chain me to the chair. They don't allowed me to feel. To experience. To break. To live for myself. To live with someone I truly love. To be with someone that I can care. To feel the warm of another person.

The tap flows non-stop. I need to replace the faucet soon. It need to be like before. Cold! Totally devoid of feelings! Just a puppet.

Stress Stress Stress

About work, about house, about school, about loans, about getting new job, about leaving work, about weight, about food.....just about everything in the whole wide world.

My brain and my hand refuse to co-operate and work together. My heart says another thing but the mind due to the new practical software that I've just installed in me...refuse to coordinate. The whole body is in turmoil.

I am going to stop surfing net and start posting all my craziness. I need to let everything out before I explode.

Alam (the ugly looking B worker who bleached his cheeks) And I thought MJ is crazy to bleached himself. The reason why he bleached as he says that the cheeks is dark-coloured. For an Asian with darker skin tone...he says it is ugly....he just proofs the white commercials to be RIGHT!!...Loser!! So anyway, the clown face told me that my DBoss is leaving is Korea (partially true) and Mr Maeng is going to replaced him (WHAT THE BEEP BEEP!!) That sicko crazy wacko is going to replace my 'cute' Dboss. I can accept that? I refuse to accept that.

He is not a nice person. Shrewd, cunning and manipulative. So I am seriously waiting for my BONUS and see how it goes...life after Dboss and plus to get my son citizenship...then off I go. This time, I am going to work in more permanent sector....like "GARMEN" sector.

Too stress out....need to buy beds to furnish the house or else where do I place my new mattress....Arrrgghhh. Beds aside....I don't have a driver that works at my beck and call....lol...just kidding!

I am juggling in life. Do I want to proceed with Donkey or Tiger? No idea and been weighing on my mind.

And I am struggling with tatting....I wonder who invented or pioneered it...for the thread MUST flip. I am so close to throwing the shuttles down the refuse chute.

Time to go and start working again. I hate to update those Settlement GDB files.....so STOOPID.....

Happen today at MacPherson - lunch time

I was walking towards the bus stop with Bubbly-Girl during lunch time...me going to post office and Bubbly-Girl is off to chocolate land. At the bus stop there is one M lady wearing the traditional clothes and semi-covering her head using the traditional head-dress.

She approaches me and asked if I'm M or I. I said that I am an I (well technically speaking, I am an I as dad is pure North I and mum is a mixture of M and I...so I'm an I) She said that she had gone to the mosque and was asking for help. She said that her mum had passed away. (Going thru my mind....so her mum died and why did she go to mosque? The place where she is staying have their own people who takes care of the dead....back to reality) She had asked for $10 to see her mum (in my mind = how can you bury the dead with just $10?) I said they have their reason...must be the office policy. (what else do I say??)

She said that the people there is not friendly and don't want to help her. (here I'm thanking myself that I did not say I'm M) She said that if she asked from people (at this moment a huge cement mixer dash across us follow by a bus....the noise is so deafening that I can hear what she was saying) Lucky enough her bus is here and she board it.

Interesting experience....so your mum died (she looks 50yrs old) must be very old mum that passes away. She looked very calm standing at the bus stop before she approaches me. She does not look sad, or crying or really traumatise by the news. She said the people in the mosque refuse to help her with $10 to see her mum. I am sorry but I don't buy into that kind of story anymore.

I have had many people approaching me asking for money with different kind of stories that you stopped believing into them.

Imagine one day at the library itself in Sembawang and very far away from the MRT or bus station, an old M man approached me at 8:30pm. Saying that, he had brought his 2 kids out (which by the way, the 2 kids were running around in the library) and had no money to go home. I turned him down nicely as I did not carry any cash on me then. Then he can asked me how do I travel then. I said using the farecard (stored value card). He just walked off.

2 days later, at the SAM machine outside of Woodlands MRT station, the very same guy approached me asking for money. I said that the 1st time, you asked me and I could believe you....2nd time is not true. Went on further to tell him that if I saw him again the 3rd time asking for money, I would call the police. He quickly walks away.

See in SG, there are no beggars and begging for money is not allowed. The government or other bodies is providing for the lesser people. If you have a problem, no work, no money to send children to school, no food...all is being provided if you just asked....and work. You don't go around asking money from people.

Really Stressed Out

I'm really stressed out today as my Dbo just told me a HUGE / FAT / CHUNK of secret that almost all of the people had guessed but not yet confirmed. So, Dbo said that our dept would ends in July 2007. Of course, that is BAD news for me as I've just bought a house, my son is starting school and I need the money to maintain the household.

Should I start looking for a job now? But I can't leave my work here unfinished, as no matter how much I hated working with some of the staffs & snobbish workers here, I still have work responsibilities. Let me see how things go....and if it gets from worse to terribly worse....I guess I have to start looking for a new job soon.

Can't blog now as still too stressed out over house matters tomorrow. :-( Not a happy person this week.

Move on Really Fast

I was going thru my list of bloggers...down my x-stitching site and decided to pay a visit on a fellow. It struck me badly...I'm actually wondering what makes him take such a quick decision. His dear, bubbly wife passed away from unknown reason (not disclosed) in Feb 2006 and now he is getting hitched with another lady...wearing the ring in Dec 2006!!

Either I've been watching too many American murder movies/flicks/dramas, CSIs, Matlock, Murder She Wrote...etc or I think it is just plain rude. How can a person moves on so fast. Doesn't the memory of the wife means anything to him at all?

I've been reading the blog, seems as though, he never got married and was a bachelor all along. Maybe he thinks that it is better to get hitched again since the other girl is waiting for so long.

I have to really stopped reading all these murder mystery books. Can I say that he kills the wife?? Reality is so sad at times. It really bugs me....Can I say that I should be happy that he has found someone else to fill in the empty void eversince the wife left him? I can't lie to my heart about that.

Guest shall arrive at 6:50pm.....get the lucky draw ticket and be seated. We (3 of us...read previous post) arrive downstairs since it is just outside the office on the carpark (party being organised.)

...gotta stop now....work...work..work

He has an ISSUE with me??

Fun, fun night last night...the company had organized the annual dinner...ehh no dance last night. The weather sucks with intermittent rain, the food was terrible..thank god the company was right. So me, Mr William and Mr Shashi sat at one table which meant for 10 people....typical us...besides can't blame us...there are only 4 people left in my department and with 1 of the surveyor not attending...so 3 of us at one huge table.

I would give a detailed run-down of the event. Point to be said out first. Mr Banci needs to deal with some serious issue. I can understand if he hated my guts, my straightforwardness and my practicality but NOT to take our pictures during the dinner...bypassing us when he is just standing at the next table and clicking away...that crosses all boundaries of my tolerance towards his childish behaviour.

How I wish I can flash my finger at him then!...Now that he gets on my nerves...he my 'dear friend' is getting fried by me. I would laugh openly at him now....talked about PARANOID sissy!! Bwahahaha!!

Having 2nd Thoughts

Is it just me....or it's just me. We actually laugh over the phone on some silly conversation?? Fell kinda bizarre....narrating the whole (well not the whole stuff...a gist) affair from a few days ago.

Ok...I would inform you of my schedule....here me trying my best not to kill him or drown him..set back for a while...eh, telling me his schedule tomorrow? Whatever for? Would I even care if he slip on a banana peel and cracked his skull by the road kerb? Would I even care if he is going into his crazy business ventures yet again? I just replied ok. Wrong move girl...I should have known better. I kept thinking the whole thing till the next day. Wondering..what work schedule. Another business trip? MIL coming to visit? He is finally leaving? He finally decided to dropped dead on me? Ok evil thoughts but I am pissed off. Need to attend anger management class pretty soon before I explode head first.

So the next day...waited patiently, well rather anxiously as at 4pm, he said he would call and would inform me of his work schedule. 4:05pm....eh no call...so I decided to call him instead. I told him that he said he would called and inform me of his work schedule. Oh nothing much...just want to tell me what he is planning to do in the next few days. I asked...eh why?...He said...why not, is it any wrong to intimate me with such details. Ok..woman is thinking super fast and super crazy thoughts came up. Do I even care? Why he bothers suddenly?...I said..intimate me?...well mind was really going crazy...telling me or intimate me?..that is 2 different things right.

So he asked me to meet him nearby...and I was going why?...nothing easier to intimate with the details of his schedule. Ok that is TOO weird for me. So crazy woman laugh. I know...I laugh at the slightest thing. it may not be funny for others but it easily cracks me up.

I need to lie down.

I Have Lost

I thought things would change...things change all right...to me it meant for the worse. He/She assume it is for the best. When one give up on one's faith/belief and choose not to see the good in it but only the bad....one have lost themselves forever.

Tears For Fears

For all the tears that I shed....only God would forgive him for there is no place in my heart to forgive him anymore. I couldn't feel my heart beats for him any longer. I don't hate him but hate myself for believing in him and for being too-trusting.

Asra - 07/12/06 23:02
Seriously I cant believe this is exactly you. Even to get my ## from my trip, you stood adamant until I almost missed my ##. I suffered in (kacang land) for the delay.

Asra - 07/12/06 22:53
I wont keep the ##. It's for you. I'll give you (keberangkatan). Let them cut your line. I'll pass you the ## when I'm done. Now you know how it feels being ignored. I had no place to stay, stayed outside sleeping but you kept a blind eye. Who treats a (asshole) like this? I'm not just a (asshole) ok. I'll show you love cos of the person you were to me before.

See the first sms was a big joke....me treating badly an asshole. I'm putting the asshole in his place. 2nd sms was damn funny. Stood adamant is not a crime considering the fact...the asshole never keep any of his promise. Not even ONE.

To the lady who gave birth to him....you should have kill him for because of YOU, I has to suffer. YOU created this monster to make my life one living HELL. I couldn't kill him because of SG laws. To the lady who gave birth to him which is of course my MIL...how I wished your mum have strangled YOU when she gave birth to YOU.